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Pro Lite Track, used once, absolutely immaculate, taped in black, £25 plus postage. See 'Cannibal Dolan' in CP for actual bars.

I trust they're made in a hermetically sealed facility to avoid cross-contamination with animal products.....

Bloody marketing nonsense. Kill an animal. Preferably a puppy. I'll lend you mine.

Damn, I'd pay for a bike with a coffee machine! Is the conference table detachable?

^Ugly. Next question?

....and the Lasers are fabulous, they even have pedals! Just a shame they will never be ridden.

I would just like to make it absolutely clear that my personal Gios IS cool, you know not of which you talk..... I have no intention, Nicolai, of posting it here, but I doubt whether your bike or bikes will be posted unless by yourself.

Thank you, Rive, I sort of expected that answer from the man himself!

I am thinking of getting Armourtex to do a full strip, powder-coat and rebuild on my girlfriend.

Well, she's knocking on a bit.....

Sorry Ed, didn't know that, I have to speak to him tomorrow, would you like me to check whether he has an email address?

Pardon slow reply, been away. Ed, if your carrier pigeon has been shot and semaphore has failed you, Steve Goff has had a new-fangled telephone fitted (yes, they have them oop North now!) his number is 01695 720030.

Thanks for the comments people, but what you meant Indra was that it looks equally good with or without brakes.... Sorry I forgot to lend you the Dolan for a run around HH, I was too busy getting my arse kicked.

^My little pony, that comparison has been made more subtly in words. Twice. But thanks for the pictorial subtitles for the hard-of-understanding :)

Ok, so you can get custom modern steel for under £500, I got a Goff to my exact spec for £460 including headset and P&P. Some people quote a similar amount for a paint job.

It will cost me more to renovate my Gios, including a new fork. I've had it from new, so emotion has over-ruled sense.

I COULD pick up a scruffy but good British frame from a decent but 'lesser' frame builder (less good at self-promotion, probably) for absolute pennies.

But, bearing in mind renovation costs, buying a good quality unfashionable frame which doesn't need paint is the only sane way to go.

Whaddya mean you haven't ridden track since 2010, that's recent, I haven't since 1987 when I moved to the coast!

Thanks to everyone who put this on.

Thanks to the shouty spectators.

Thanks to the riders who kicked my aged butt all over HH.

One of the good things about senility is the ability to forget pain, see you in August!

Ok, just some final, final shots of the Goff in its finished state. Due to popular pressure it now has two levers. It also has a more correct C-Record era seatpin, a C-Record brake and skinwall Veloflex Masters.

For one day only it dressed up as a track bike at HH (a bit like Thomas the Tank Engine pretending to be an express).

Don't worry, there is only one size tubular rim (Ok, two if you count 650). Edwardz is clearly the tub-meister, listen and learn. Looks to be taped, so remove the tub tape carefully and not the base tape, inspect and re-glue to rim. I'm glad you took the tub off as otherwise there is always that niggling doubt which can play havoc with your head, better safe than than very sorry.....

Seatpin definitely C-Record and I'm pretty sure mechs are too. Lovely frame, is it as spaghetti-flexy as the ALAN? Will you be going back to a quill stem (I would)?

Yep, 2 bikes, Bonor. At my age Christ knows if I'll survive to see a track again so i'm going for maximum fun!

Yep, Indra, and the Goff which for one day only is pretending to be a track bike instead of my commuter.

I'll have 15 16 & 17, plus chain whip and lockring tool, so no excuses! I can also bring a 54 ring in case you find yourself under-geared....

Timmah, if you'd seen the owner's response to red tyre/no bottle cage comments, you'd understand! I refer you to Bike Porn.....

Last two Colnagos is red tyre fail shocker! Paulo, I was making the under-bridge billygoat eating lurker point. Troll, reveal your true identity!

^Thank you TM! Either the owner is having a laugh at everyone's expense (in which case good luck to him), or he is truly witless as well as somewhat tasteless. The shitstorm is continuing on Bike Porn I suspect....

I surrender! We're all being had, nobody can be that bloody stupid!

Correctamundo! You will never be right, ever, but it doesn't really matter. The bloke who you asked how long he had raced was probably too polite to tell you that it's over 30 years, and he's probably much faster than you. I like red too, unfortunately if you like those particular red tyres you're likely to see red blood on a corner very soon, your own!