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^^ Nice to meet you too.

And yes, best sportive I've ridden to date. Route, weather, friendly riders, LFGSS crew, all super. And to boot I think I managed about 7-8 flapjacks.

@ Regal, Rik Van Looy, inchpincher, hats and whoever else is going at 9:30am.... I'll tag along with you guys. Whilst not as quick as skinny, 6pt, hippy and Dammit, I'm feeling in quite good condition. So feel free to huddle in the bosom of my wake.

You'll spot me easily. Look for the 6ft3in guy with the moustache and steel Daccordi. I should look exactly like this:

This'll all be much easier when we have LFGSS CC jerseys....

Took a lovely spin around Essex today in search of hills. I found about five in the space of 53km, two of them somewhat serious. Also, with a strong tailwind, I managed a minute at 50kph on the flat. Glorious.

Also I popped into a sheltered side-road to have a wee and sadly, because I have the squits, felt a a tiny unintended emergence. I scrambled up the mossy verge into the bushes to correct the situation - which turned out to be a false alarm. A van swung into the sheltered road and stopped suddenly next to my bike. The driver looked at it for a couple of seconds, looked up the road, looked down the road and started taking off his seatbelt. I shouted "YO!", which startled him and he shouted "Yo!" back. So then we both lied to each other:
Me: "I was just having a piss",
Him: "Oh ok, I was just wondering whose bike this was"
Me: "Ok mate no worries". Off he drove, and out of the bushes I clambered.

Why are all tandems super-small? I want one but I'm 6 '3" and me julie is 5' 10". Will be in the hunt in Oz, big time.

Dura Ace hubs in this wheelset - £140 Buy It Now

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Dura-Ace-Wheels-/151131833812?pt=UK_sportsleisure_cycling_bikeparts_SR&hash=item233028c5d4

Lovely saddle, but please do take it off this thread. You can't post your own items. Ta.

Has anyone dared to guess how many sets of traffic lights ..... 500 stops if we were unlucky enough they were all red. Fuuuuuuuuu

I really must learn to track stand....

Sidcup Place pub has agreed to open at 7.30am to cater for our start.

Do you want me to confirm this with them? If so how many?

Nice work on this.

I suggest pushing it back to 7:15am because we can't afford much delay in starting.

As for numbers... I'm very much up for a bacon sarnie, I'm guessing at least half of the riders will be? So that's at least 20. Hell, if there are left overs I could even be persuaded to eat two.

Any idea when these'll be ready? I fly to Oz on 6th Nov, but can always pay for shipping if the jerseys ship after this date.

List info here.

Names 1-200:

1. Mr. Matt +jersey
   
2. stevo_com + jersey
   
3. Smallfurry + Jersey + Race
   
4. chief_scrutter + jersey
   
5. marnold + Jersey + race
   
6. Polka Dot +jersey +race
   
7. Sweaty + Jersey + Race
   
8. Bandage + Jersey
   
9. dr3wid + Jersey
   
10. shoreditch +jersey
    
11. ChrisFox +Jersey
    
12. Hudson +jersey
    
13. foudespaves + jersey
    
14. Ro700 +jersey
    
15. jochta +jersey
    
16. Mikey5000 +jersey
    
17. Dimi3 +jersey +race
    
18. turtle +jersey
    
19. Metalhead +jersey
    
20. JoePablo + jersey
    
21. Anthony +jersey
    
22. VVV +jersey +race
    
23. Green Wheels + jersey
    
24. debeaver + jersey
    
25. sweaty_commuter +jersey
    
26. Surf Punk + jersey + race
    
27. demimismo + jersey
    
28. Samson +jersey +race (maybe)
    
29. hms +jersey +race
    
30. skydancer +jersey +race
    
31. xDOMx +jersey +race
    
32. yetiuk + jersey
    
33. martinkaye +jersey
    
34. Holmesy +jersey
    
35. Onandon +jersey +race
    
36. Goonz + jersey
    
37. jacobashe +jersery +race
    
38. OneLessCardigan + jersey
    
39. HammerHead +jersey
    
40. Sparky +jersey +race
    
41. r payn +jersey (already have a race licence)
    
42. CowHen +jersey
    
43. Muzza + jersey + race
    
44. Ian (Conker) +jersey
    
45. Adamdiy + jersey +race
    
46. d-goods + race
    
47. useless + jersey
    
48. Husy +jersey +race
    
49. imagesurgery +jersey (have licence)
    
50. veLLo + jersey + race
    
51. Christono +jersey +race
    
52. hamishio + jersey + race
    
53. allensea + jersey
    
54. billybob + race
    
55. c4shr + jersey + race
    
56. Cafewanda + jersey
    
57. dbr +jersey +race
    
58. il freddo + jersey
    
59. Yukirin + Jersey
    
60. Rodolfo + jersey
    
61. cjr + jersey + race
    
62. Ndeipi +jersey
    

Science says so, I'm afraid. It's the chunky spokes, they experience much more drag than thin metal spokes.

Roues Artisanales did their famous wheel aerodynamics test in 2008, with the Mavic R-SYS 2007 wheels the slowest of any tested, experiencing 17% more drag than Mavic Aksium Race 2007 wheels.

Graph:
http://www.rouesartisanales.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/aero_english.jpg

The 2013 R-SYS model still has the 16 chunky spokes, but Mavic may or may not have improved aerodynamics slightly at the rim in the last 5-6 years. These are wheels best suited to ascending mountains at lower speeds where drag isn't so important.

^ Doing it right - cheerily avoiding rage.

^^ Christ, welcome back indeed. In those situations I sometimes wonder what'd happen if you just stand calmly in front of the car, wait until the driver stops shouting and say "Apologise to me and I'll move". Unnecessary provocation, yes, but delightfully passively aggressive.

Christ. Glad you're ok. You've had a shit week!

If you think the HGV driver will change his behaviour after the incident, then you've done enough. If not then RoadSafe might send him a letter if you report.

I was still buzzing from the Savannah Classic just 6 days previous so I was keen for more racing. I certainly got some!

**Hazardous Highlights
**- My friend Stevo went to hospital after a crash at the finish

• A mate smashed a £1000 carbon wheel after just 10 minutes
  
• A rider was waving at the camera, rode into the back at me and took out another rider as he hit the deck
  
• A petrol truck forced me off the road and onto the rocky verge
  
• Nearly flattened a stray dog
  
• Near head-on collision with another lorry at a big junction
  
  

Numbers
Distance was apparently 104km [64.6 miles] and 335m ascent, I finished 13th in 03:10:00 for an average of 32.8kph [20.4mph]. Well I didn't actually finish 13th, but a few riders were disqualified for U-turning early and for holding onto pickup trucks. Drafting trucks was implicitly allowed - it is de rigueur for Kenyan racers.

Start
It took 8km of navigating Nairobi's toxic sprawl to get from my white-man's-castle to Dandora, conditions deteriorating both on the roads and in the skies. An omen of the tough race ahead! Dandora is a part of Nairobi known for its colossal mountain of trash and its thugs [see Britain's finest ambassador]. The race started a full 150 minutes late, proper Kenyan styley.

**0-50km
**The obligatory clandestine flag poked out of a vehicle to tell the bunch it's race o'clock and the flagpole almost jousted me. The bunch picked up pace and I clung on for about 50km of cracked pavement, surprise pot-holes and regular shouts of SPEED BUMPS - bunny-hoppable at 40kph if you see them in time.

After 15 minutes fellow mzungu Kieron hit a pothole and punctured, see you later! Then as a cameraman leant out of a car window to film us I felt my rear wheel drift a little. My rear tyre was singing the tune of ZZZZZZZZZ-SSSSSSHHIPP, until the unmistakable sound of aluminium & limbs on tarmac made the penny drop - someone was looking at the camera, got too friendly with my rear wheel and hit the deck along with another rider. I must track down this video.

Bunch riding was not without anxiety. There was lots of jockeying for position and no proactive cooperation between riders. I clung the to back, got dropped during climbs and then caught up on each descent. Three times I thought "You'll never pull this one back, Ndeipi", but closed the gap each time. The fourth big gap felt like game over until Kieron appeared miraculously like a knight in shining armour and nursed me back to rejoin the group just as a breakaway started, so the whole group accelerated and I was insta-dropped AGAIN. I'd lost the peleton forever. Figsticks.

**50-90km
**The race route was out-and-return, so at around 1-2km before halfway I was descending a hill whilst the leading bunch were ascending back towards the start/finish. I will forever remember the gritted teeth on the leader's face, two other riders nipping at his rear wheel. Powering up the ramp, they pushed so hard over speed bumps I thought they'd leave 23mm grooves straight through them.

Initially alone on the return leg, I remember catching up to one powerful Kenyan rider who'd punctured out of the leading group. He attacked me like crazy but wasn't particularly slick - he would drift right to leave me in the wind, CLICK CLACK CLICK up the gears, stand and then sprint. He tried weaving right-left-right-left, inviting me to copy to stick to his wheel. I laughed because I felt like Sep Vanmarck chasing Cancellara in the 2013 Paris Roubaix, then screamed repeatedly "FANYA KAZI KWA MOJA" [work together], as this proved successful historically. He chilled out and asked me for a banana. "If I give you this banana will you work with me or just leave?" "I'll work with you." "Promise?" "Yes!" After a couple of turns each I was only able to cling to him for about 15 minutes until he blurted 'YOU'RE NOT WORKING. If you don't work I'll just go." I explained my lack-of-legs situation, sheepishly took a weak turn on the front, clung onto him for five minutes and was summarily dropped. Regardless, I feel I got value from my banana.

I caught another rider who'd managed to stay ahead of me on a MTB. A cocking MTB, for christ's sake! Races in Kenya only attract riders if they have prize money. The prize for winning the road category was about £120, but for MTB it was about £135 so riders were chasing the cash, fair play in a country where minimum wage is like 25p/hr (which explains the cheating, more later). This MTB rider was in his thirties and I valued his maturity in comparison to the uncooperative, attacking teenagers. We made a good team as I, heavier & more aero, could lead downhill whilst his lower weight helped us both fly uphill. At a junction with a highway an oncoming truck failed to yield, instead it turned across us and I had one of those awkward moments we've all had walking on pavements, i.e. "I'll go to the left - oh no you've gone left too - fine I'll go right - DON'T GO RIGHT AS WELL! AAARGH". The truck's brakes squealed as we stopped nose-to-nose. Oh the calamity.

**90-104km
**The congested, undulating road climbed back to the finish at Dandora, seemingly packed with every heavy goods vehicle in East Africa. My MTB chum ran out of puff, leaving me with a 14km solo effort to the finish. I was suffering but perversely enjoyed the stinging. I found a comfy, dark corner in my pain cave and didn't stop pushing. I flew. I was forced off the road by a petrol tanker as it tried to overtake and then veered left till I dropped off the jagged tarmac cliff-edge. I hopped straight back on and pushed hard again, overtaking rider after rider, using a year's experience of Nairobi-traffic-dodging to keep the pace high. The trick is to scare oncoming vehicles into giving you some wiggle room for overtaking slow cars at speed bumps. A man standing in the middle of the road held a sign (scrawled in biro) "FINISH 200m". Ahead I could see another rider moving slowly towards the finish, so I shifted up four gears and sprinted. The other rider saw me and tried to accelerate, but I was moving twice as fast and just caught him at the finish line, beating him by half a bike length. As I pulled over to the side of the busy road I noticed it was James Karanja, the 15 year old kid who beat me in the Savannah Classic. He reluctantly shook my hand but I could tell he wasn't happy! I'm sure if he was 25 like me then I'd have lost that sprint, but I'll take these victories where I can get them. I was so short of breath that I must have appeared mid asthma attack - I couldn't gasp the air in fast enough. I was dizzy and could see whirling shapes when I shut my eyes. I then saw my friend Stevo, covered in scrapes, being helping into an ambulance. Apparently there had been a crash at the finish.

So overall a dangerous, painful, exhilarating race. Kieron summed it up well: "A stupid place to put a race. I smashed a carbon front wheel, but someone could have been killed."

I gesture to him that he should be ashamed of himself as a proffesional driver.

You clearly have an admirable command of British Sign Language.

^ Me too. Is there a thread for date experiences like this?

Looks beautiful, Smallfurry.

Yes, we were all a bunch of cunts.

150km yesterday - Essex Roads Autumn Leaves Sportive

Some nice fast peleton work and some lonely stretches thinking "Oh God, Essex is flat and there's no sunshine and grrr....". Excellent cake at the end though.

Time: 05:03:17
Average: 29.7kph
Excuses: Riding steel, ponced around at both feeds, dropped a bottle on the road
Anti-excuse: Have lived at altitude for last year

I'll be unashamedly riding my Daccordi and enjoying a whole range of useful gear options.

^^^^ Love it, Sandbag.

^^^ The resulting photo aint pervy but the act of taking it may have been, contingent on photographer's mens rea.

Edit: Too slow. What tommmmmmm said.

So much rage!

Leave 'im 'ovis, ee's not werf it.

^ A voice of wisdom.

This thread has far too much "Nodder called me out, now I'm pissed off". Do you get pissed off when your baby nephew asserts that "You are a poo poo"? Nodders are not as clever/experienced as us. Their opinions do not deserve our consideration.

Next time just reply cheerfully "Don't care what you say mate, I know I'm in the right". Cycle off knowing you're sound. Float away and feel free.

You were right to challenge the furious nodders, they need to learn to be able to let go of two seconds of their life without throwing a tantrum.