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^^Nice indeed, here's a bit of contrast in terms of busy roads....

Over Chrimbo I decided that I'd like to re-do Harry Beck's famous tube map. Its too easy on the eye and not a true representation of where the stations are in relation to each other. I'm totally useless with the crayons so I shall 'draw' it by GPS tracking each line end to end, cycling to every station along the way. I then plan to upload them all onto one map, have the lines colour co-ordinated like the original, add in all the station names in a much messier fashion, probably in a font that will most people hate, and make it into a poster for my wall.

As it happens its a feck of a long way, lots of lines have seperate branches that I'll have to go down and back in order to 'draw' a continuous line. Some lines I've never even been on and parts of London I've never visited so it will be good for my London geography. My ridewithgps routes have the 11 lines with their 379 station come out at just under 430 miles, not including any or the riding to and from my house and from line to line. The total distance will depend on the order I do it, but I estimate it will be around 500 miles in total. This assumes I don't get killed to death by traffic, overcome with fumes or simply lose the will to live from visiting more train stations than the most nerdy trainspotter. This sounds like more of a summer project but its really mild for January so I thought I'd get cracking yesterday. This would be the biggest test yet of my Tunnocks teacakes scribed sat nav device, but I had an A-Z so as long as I did'nt get lost in the outer limits, ie off map, I'd be fine.

I've never done an audax but I reckon this would be a good audax, in a sort of horrific way. There's loads of control point options and plenty to see. And contrary to what you might think there's plenty of countryside too. I'm amazed I've never even noticed it but the Metrolpolitan line starts in Amersham, which is no word of lie north of Watford, which is also on the tube. WTF! How did this happen? I imagine a ye ole London Undergound meeting where a few people called in sick and the office temp wrote up the minutes incorrectly and the whole thing got approved without anyone realising the error.

So after 4 hours sleep (urgh) I got up at 5 yesterday and was out of the house at 6. First up was the Victoria line. 6am on Saturday morning at Brixton station is a bit like a scene from Shaun of Dead, but I managed to escape in one piece.

Going through central London in the early hours is joy, and of all the lines this was probably the one I knew the route from end to end without needing any directions. As it happens I got a bit disconbobulated with the bloody one way system of Tottenham Hale but otherwise it was a good run.

So next up was the longest GPS route line of the lot, the Central line. Luckily it was still early so the drag strip out to Epping was not too busy but I was passed by a few cars along there that were doing well above 100mph.

I know Essex is flat and prone to flooding and with all the rain recently I was a little worried the Essex loop would would have lots of flooded sections, but apart from plenty of puddles it was OK. I did go wrong early and missed a turn and did a totally unneccessary climb up Jack Hill that I'd have liked gears for, but turned around and found my original route. There were a few sections along the A12 which I will try and erase from memory. Its so mild I'm in shorts, I left the house in trousers but was overheating by Green Park so spent nearly 12 hours in shorts in January, which has got to be some sort of record for me. I was getting some funny looks and on my way up Bethnal Green Road a white van man pulled up to tell me to 'put some fucking clothes, its bloody winter you know' haha. Pfft it was about 9 degrees, positively roasting.

Again the central London bits I know but beyond White City was unknown. Hanger Lane was predictably a clusterfuck, I hooned along the A40 for a bit too which was also the stuff of nightmares. As it was a pretend audax I thought I'd give it an air of authenticity by having a made up control on a garage forecourt

West Ruislip arrived, and I discovered looks just as shitty as a great many other stations.

So onto the final leg, going to Harrow and Wealdstone for the final Bakerloo line leg back to civilisation.

North West London observations, the roads are shit, people in residential areas absolutely do not look before jumping into the road, honestly the bit around Harrow and Brent I must have had about 4 or 5 incidents of people almost step into my front wheel without even a hint of looking. So I am more than a little embarrrassed to discover that after berating the locals for their lack of vision I'm struggling to read my tiny written directions in the onsetting gloom, and it dawns on me that being over 40 I probably need my eyes testing. This is confirmed by struggling to read the index pages of the A-Z. All this means I take numerous wrong turns. Also maybe a funny thing to notice but the street lamps in Brent are quite dim, when I got to around Maida Vale the council must have invested in some swanky deluxe streety lights for the rich people as they were much brighter and I could nearly read the A-Z. I finally roll into Waterloo at 6.20, just over 12 hours after setting off.

I think I managed all of the 90 underground stations on this leg. I was covered in road grime which is a close to a tan as I'm going to get at this time of year. It turns out to be my longest singlespeed distance as including the 'transfers' it came in at 141 miles which I'm pretty pleased with for January. And amazingly despite cycling around London with a front tyre on its last legs I had no punctures. 3 lines down and 8 to go, but they're for another time, today I earned the day off.

Victoria line http://ridewithgps.com/trips/2168039

Central line http://ridewithgps.com/trips/2168037

Bakerloo line http://ridewithgps.com/trips/2168035

Everyone knows red is danger, OY! or NO!.....I could'nt see the sign officer as it was obscured by the bus in the bus only lane maybe haha....It is a lazy Chief Wiggum type pull if they've got some targets to hit, as Oliver says its been a known ticket spot for years, getting stung there is nearly as embarrassing as owning a Foffa.

A family pack of donuts for the Rozza's and its as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. But they've got you bang to rights, take it on the chin and put it down to experience and pretend you're an early victim of TFL's new East London tax.

Thanks for the info. The full value riders would indeed be a great team/club name.

With no working geared bike and a fair bit of extra chrimbo poundage I'd be too scared to show up in the Cambrian mountains part of the world at the moment in anything other than a car.

And while I'm on the audax questions, I seen a few mentions of 'full value riders', what does this mean? Is this a polite way of saying slow?

haha well I never, it turns out there's an 800km in a part of the world I know very well. So whats the time limit on that then, I can't see it on that page?

That is pretty epic. Its those 3 hour sleeps on the long audax's that look the killers, especially if those 3 hours are in a kebab shop doorway or bus shelters.

I love the outdoors and am pretty hardy but think I'd prefer glamaudax. I imagine Hippy would be able to do long audax in luxury, be too fast between the checkpoints and so have to have enforced 7-8 hour sleeps (preferably in comfy warm beds) and plenty of lengthy pub and food stops while the mere mortals are fine tuning their 1000 yard stare 100 miles behind.

Incidentally if I was to do a made up pretend 800km audax what would be the calculated time limit for that? I've not seen any 800km events so not sure they exist.

The map you see is openstreetmap, other maps are available. With google earth as opposed to google maps, you can open numerous gpx files and colour them as required.

Thanks for this, rep on route. I'm off to have a play with this now, I really wanted it to work in google maps as that basic map is just too clunky, but will have a play with google earth instead.

Is there any free software/sites/apps that can do this:

-show up to 15 rides gpx routes together onto a single google map type background with full zoom in and out ability
-show the routes in different colours so I can tell each ride apart. I know veloviewer lets you group multiple rides on a page but they are all one colour so its hard to distinguish one ride from another?
-be able to add in multiple points/labels along the gpx route so they show on the map, like points of interest/pubs/cafes etc

Does such a thing exist? It all sounds perfectly feasible in my mind, but there's often a disconnect between that and the real world.

Nope. Not a drop of alcohol passed anyones lips (unless I missed a sneaky hip flask sup). We did, however enjoy some excellent chinese sweets in Golder's Green

I had a can of Stella in my ruksak all day but the ride seemed too classy for me to ever crack it open! And I felt like a naughty boy who had'nt done his homework as I'd missed Stargazing live all week. As Balmain says this was a next level forum ride, at this rate they'll get us to wash and dress smartly soon, forum haz changed.....

On the plus side no punctures or any mechanicals of any kind, even the girl who fell was expertly caught by T.O. so it was'nt a fall at all. Oh an Balmain pulled an impressive one legged anti fall avoidance move in Covent Garden too which showed all the stars were in alignment for us yesterday.

She won't read this but, get well soon to the lady with the floppy shudder broken ankle who was being put into the back of an ambulance as we left Battersea Park. Don't know how it happened.

Thank Nick and everyone, that was a great fun. I love all that old kit, it was really quite exquisite, the ultimate end of garden shed,. Even though its so old its still pretty awe inspiring seeing Jupiter with its 4 moons. The whole place felt like the set of a Sean Connery Bond movie. And we could'nt have had better weather. Great stuff.

Difference between Mark Duggan case and Tony Martin?

Mark Duggan could'nt TT for shit.

^on the plus side there's going to be no rain left in the sky by Saturday. Maybe if we all get there half an hour early and huff and puff for all we're worth from the hilltop we can blow all the clouds away leaving clear skies for the planet and alien space craft spotting. And if its really cloudy we'll have to resort to doing a longest skid contest in our socks on the shiny floors.

I've been listening to an old Surgeon remix this week which has a sample from Obledo 0.39, a trippy 1976 concept album on space and physics by Vangelis. In it there is a sample of a bloke wittering on with loads of stats about our little rock, such as:

maximum distance from the sun 94,537,000 miles
minimum distance form the sun 91,377,000 miles
mean distance form sun 92,957,200 miles
mean orbital velocity 66,000mph
orbital eccentricity 0.017
obliquity of the ecliptic 23 degrees 27 mins 8.26 seconds
mass 6,600 million million million tons
equatorial diameter 7927 miles
polar diameter 7900 miles
oblaqueness 1/298th
density 5.41
mean surface graviational accelation of the rotating earth 32.174ft per second per second
escape velocity 7 miles per second

Me posting that in no way assumes I know about any of these things, just that listening to it has been making me excited about this ride all week, bring on much wow.

@bitterbuffalo re:....'Will probably start a North Wales riding thread in 2014 with some of these routes'.

Insert Ben Stiller 'Do it' gif here.

8 mile descents? Yes please. I occassionally visit that part of the world and would appreciate any routes round there, I shall seek that one out.

^^ the most compelling anti-helmet compulsion argument ever devised.

Ahh I see, so you're wearing that colander to stop the cat scratching your head. Haha, sorry, I'm towards the back of the drinks cabinet now, god help me I'll be on the Tia Maria soon.

Just got XP installed?! No wonder they won't let you retire, its still 2001 at your workplace, you've still got years to go.

Well I think you're fecked as all the indoor house cats I've ever met have been totally batshit crazy. They're a bit Marty Feldman with faraway eyes looking in different directions, like they've seen things, you know, like back in 'Nam man.

I could'nt sleep in the house knowing they were there, repeatedly stripping and reassembling their glock and carving messages in the bannisters with a combat knife. You have a fully trained and operational Treadstone agent on the premises who could go rogue at any second. We don't want another Jason Bourne on our hands. Run, save yourself, don't look back.

I think its just bored, and boredom = mischief. Check your local council estate for details.

Has it got toys to play with? Balls of wool? Has it got a clean box to go shit in? Can it operate Sky+?

They are also jealous creatures. Cats rule when it comes to sleep. Top sleep privileges are reserved for the king of the jungle, and I think you're being reminded this isn't you.

No offence, but you are upsetting the natural order of things, are stepping way out of line buster, and are being punished. This shit could get ugly, I'd advise you to check the contents of those new Chrimbo slippers before your next jaunt across the flat.

I wondered what was happening with this.

Howard you need to apply to be the official Cannondale UK rep.

Excellent, it looks brilliant.

Waves of nostalgia flood over me as my Gran bought me a Raleigh Super Bomber for my birthday in about 1982, it started my obsession with blue bikes and riding country lanes.

Oh those cow horn bars, my mate Colin had a black Bomber but my super got all the admiring glances. We were like Easy Rider for the under 11's, more like Hard Rider fnar, it was so heavy it had stuff orbiting it. A quick google reveals it was over 16kg, blimey was it made with lead tubing? How I managed cycling that round the hills of mid Wales with only those 3 gears I'll never know.

Rep for the memories.

Good effort/write up blue fleet.

What a grumpy woman though. Was that in Hertfordshire?

Yeah, on Wildhill Road, looks like its part of the Hatfield House Estate.

As for Hippy's suggestion the thought crossed my mind! If I was'nt pressed for time and already had my morning constitutional, I'd have sat there and eaten all my fruesli bars and malt loaf until I could coil out something she could justifiably be so annoyed about.

^LOL. Bloody glad I went yesterday and not today, its grim out there at the moment.

I really like Madman's 2nd photo, where were those taken?

Bit of a contrast to ^ (though the mud is as common factor). Prepare for a ramble.....

Following on from my post on last years winter solstice #4377 I wanted to do another shortest day ride but am busy tomorrow so went today instead, giving me an extra minute or so of daylight, whoop whoop. Having ground my geared bike into a state of disrepair this years effort would be aboard a singlespeed. Being considerably less fit than this time last year and having 19 less gears, I should really have opted for a shorter route this time, but did'nt and expected to suffer.

I'm a south of the river resident so the wilds beyond north London are pretty much unchartered territory for me so I decided to head out that way on a Rumsfeld ride, known unknowns and unknown unknowns. So I was off into the frozen north, (of Watford), with snow, chips and gravy and maybe even a glimse of the northern lights. I cobbled together some bits of a TNRC route with some other unridden roads, scribbed it down on my faithful tunnocks tea cakes analogue sat nav device and set off in darkness hoping to cleart most of London by sunrise.

I lost the back wheel on an icy patch as soon as I turned onto Bradmore Lane at 24 miles, pretty much as soon as the proper back lanes started. I stayed up but the ticker skipped a beat and I was decending like a Wiggo after that. I stopped to take a pic here

As soon as I'd taken this pic this women came out from the 'castle' and asked me to move my bike from the tree and grass. I said sorry about that but I've just taken a pic and I'm off, she insisted I move it now or she'd call the police, what a miserable battleaxe. I told her to fuck off and chill out, I'm going, and she can call the police if she wants. She immediately pulled out a mobile and did, or at least pretended to. I wished her Merry Christmas which I could see made her blood boil, and set off. I appear not to have been arrested.

Last year I got away with a brief bridleway stint so I put 2 miles in this ride. I was not so lucky this time. As soon as I turned off the main road at the 38mile mark it was clear cycling was going to be a struggle and maybe impossible. It all looked pretty enough in the sunshine.

but shortly after this picture the trail went from rideable to like ploughed field with huge puddles, I did ride when possible but it was really energy sapping and some bits I was walking. Pretty soon front and back brakes were like almost invisible tiny hands swamped by the accumulating quagmire and almost locking the wheels. When I finally got to a road I had to spend a while trying to clean it up with grass and leaves. It had warmed up by now so I ditched the muddy overshoes and trousers and was down to above the knee lycra shorts, racy, and changed from full fingered to fingerless gloves, less than a week before Xmas, I felt lucky. But the colour the sun had added to the pins in the summer has long since gone so it maybe was'nt so lucky for any onlookers.

The other problem with bridleways of course is you can't reccy them on google maps so I was'nt sure if I'd come out where I'd hoped. I had'nt. In fact as soon as I'd remounted and gone no more than 100 yards I saw the Candlestick pub and realised I was back where I was 10 miles ago, the bellow of my 'FUUUUUCK' could be heard for miles. The Tunnock teacake sat nav's main downfall is it does not do auto-reroute, if you go off route, you're blind and the rest is useless. Having just cleaned everything I decided against returning to the swamp to try and find my original route, so I opted for the other direction and hoped to find one of the name roads loaded into the Tunnock. I found a dual carriageway and barrelled along it for a bit which was hideous, before admitting I was lost and stopped to check the map on my phone and found out I'd been heading off in totally the wrong direction so had to turn around and do the whole dual carriageway bit again and a bit more, this time nobody heard my 'FUUUUUKS' as they were drowned out by the traffic. That whole escapade lost me precious time.

It was bloody windy for large sections of the journey. There was'nt much wind when I left so annoyingly I did'nt notice a tailwind up there but the wind got steadily stronger throughout the day and of course I had a headwind for the entire return leg and the bloody ruksak felt like a paddling pool on my back.

By the time I stopped to wolf another peanut butter butty and have some coffee here

I was already feeling pretty crackered but I knew the big climb of the day was coming after the imminent Babylon 'n' Tring. I knew the gradient was'nt that harsh but I was pretty much expecting to have to walk some of it, it would be fine with gears but I'm rocking a pre chrimbo 85kg girth and have'nt done a long single speed ride since riding to Southend in May and that was not exactly Alpine, so I was wearing my apprehensive socks. And by now I'm stressing about light, I have an utterly lame 'be seen but not help with any seeing' front Knog LED so knew I had to get back to street lamped civilisation within the M25 by sunset or I'd be in trouble, and I did'nt/have'nt got the money for a Friday train fare.

But I chewed bar tape and ground to the top, then a nice descent to Chesham. Apart from a few short sharp climbs (Hyde Lane made me wish I'd brought my Jekyll MTB) I knew the profile was mostly downhill back to London. I was pretty sure barring incident I was going to make it, but I did'nt have time for any pubs stops which was a blow, and I did'nt take any more photos, but I relaxed and enjoyed it more.

Since the temporary demise of my geared bike a month or so ago I've been riding my Genesis Flyer, which relays road information by shouting it through my arse, spine and wrists, so it was so nice to ditch the shouting for the singing of the Mercian which is only just back on the road having barely been ridden all year, the difference in ride quality is amazing, I was reminded what I'd been missing. With it singing and me humming along to hours worth of techno techno techno techno the miles rolled by and I had a blast. I'm feeling pretty smug right now managing a SS 200km ride on the 20th Dec with only crap LED's. I've had a homecoming calorie onslaught, good preparation for next week. Amazingly I feel fine and these beers taste good, but maybe tomorrow will be different......

http://ridewithgps.com/trips/2090843

^says 'Mr obsessed with cocks'

It's my birthday so I tried to write my new age into Kent roads. Hard.

http://www.strava.com/activities/100639296

Happy birthday. But LOL wtf, from that I deduce your age is spaghetti.