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Sounds like you’re doing it right.
The most painful jobs I’ve run have been where a contractor has turned out to have underpriced and is then doing everything then can to claw back - getting contractural and inflating claims. It becomes adversarial and toxic.
It’s a very good reason to find a niche sector and stick to a group of contractors you have worked with successfully in the past.
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EC are a rare beast of a design led architecture firm who actually also build what they design via their contracting wing. So in theory they are a step ahead of a regular firm who will either have a QS do a cost review or make a broad guess. Or not - and wait till tender returns come back high er.
Even so I gather on this project the initial design needed to be revised to meet budget.
My point is that until you resolve any design to a reasonably high level of detail - you’ll never get a real idea of costs. And bearing in mind the design and planning process may take 6-12 months + it’s no surprise that often tenders come in more than expected at the outset.
Some clients will weather this because they want what they want - others can’t and have to compromise.
Within reason - If you start a conversation with a client by being negative about what they want to achieve given the budget - the risk is they go elsewhere to someone else who tells them what they want to hear.
I think it’s unrealistic to expect architects to also be cost consultants (and yet the RIBA domestic schedule of services seems to suggest we should be)Architects are not trained in this at any point.
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Door fiasco update. I trimmed the door lining I had on hand to suit my framing without really thinking it would mean building a bespoke door to fit. I don’t have the tools or skill to do proper mortise and tenon joints etc so I decided to make a frame in two parts - softwood inside and hardwood out and glue and pin them together. I would then rebate the internal frame to hold a 16mm sheet of polycarbonate and add a glazing bead on the outside. So far so good until I fucked up routing the rebate. Rethinking things I pivoted to a thinner sheet of polycarbonate and bought some 2x1 hardwood to act as a chunky bead. Hard to explain really but anyway - I now have a door of sorts - needs some filling, sanding , finishing and then hinges handle and latch.
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cheers - well over budget - natch