Cazakstan - Seatpost delayed and doesn't arrive until late August.
TomvanHalen - a seatpost arrives on time but it's the wrong one
dj - seatpost arrives and bike doesn't fit
Turtlerecall - look send an almost complete L96 frameset, the only thing missing is the seat clamp.
jambon - seat 'mast' arrives on time and fits correctly but Hoke's piles worsen and can't sit on saddle.
Scilly.Suffolk - CRACK
PhilDAS - they send it with Yodel, you wait in all day but they don't knock. Instead leaving it in your "safe place" by which they mean next to a wheelie bin
BN - Everything arrives on time and fits perfectly, but Ho decides to quit track and take up competitive pie eating
Tijmen - A pro-Brexit customs officer breaks it and adds a note that says "Buy British!"
Tibbs - Arrives, fitted, instagrammed, liked, scroll to next pic in feed.
Haveo - Look has sent you a roll of ductape, a handful of zipties and a piece of paper with a smiley face on it
señor - Loses it on the way home from the post office. Resets the 5 month clock.
Coldharbour - all arrives in good time, turns out seat mast sits above min insertion point, 10mm too low. Knee flairs up, sells bike, buys Audi, hates cyclist, moans about road Tax.
Turkish - Seatmast arrives on time, but 1 day later a forumenger that lives near Hoke posts a sale ad for the exact mast he needed that he 'had in his parts bin for 6 months'
Howard - seat mast arrives but is anodised 'sweet baby blue'. Forum pukes on cock.
Schnelly - Le Pen wins the election and instantly adds massive export duty. Seatpost now cost more than frame.
Acliff - After their success in the American elections, russian hackers have been spending their downtime making Hoke suffer for bare jokes. Seatmast wins French election and French flag changed to red yellow and blue.
Lolo - ZyroFisher have had the part for weeks but since they've read on the internet that they are "idiots" and "useless twats" they have decided to leave it in Barry from Logisitics' pigeonhole, knowing he's on a year-long sabbatical.