I understand(well, not from own experience)what your are talking about. My wife being brown....but you know not too dark, does seem to make it easier for white people to deal with. Well until it comes to promotions, good service at restaurants, being taken seriously in general. It seems that she is fine until she speaks up or trying to be "smart"( she is damn smart, well spoken and earns a heap more money than me ....and for good reasons). As I have come to understand and see things as long as you as a BAME person assimilates and try to be as white as you can be the less shit you will have to take......but make no mistake you will still have to take a whole heap of shit every single day. Oh and she didn't smile a lot in public when we first met either.....she still doesn't. She needs to keep that guard up for a reason. 0% tolerance is the only way forward but thats on mine and all other white peoples shoulders to sort out.