Staying away from loved ones

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  • I'm in a situation where my mum lives in Somerset, and has various underlying health conditions, remission from cancer, diabetes, on Warfarin for high blood pressure and angina, osteoporosis and an overactive thyroid.

    I've taken the decision to no travel down from London to see her, I live in Camberwell and Southwark has the highest number of Coronavirus cases. She also doesn't want me to visit as it is probably too risky, I think her contracting Coronavirus would not be at all good!

    My mum has neighbours ho can help, i speak on the phone every day with her, setting her up with Skype would be difficult to enhance contact etc. I go through phases of wondering if i'll ever see my mum again, to thinking maybe i'll physically see her again sometime in the summer.

    Is anyone else in a similar situation where they can't see the people in their lives that they love and how are they coping with this?

  • Same boat for me. My mum has Alzheimers, a circulatory condition and is just about to have major surgery for a very painful and unpleasant problem.

    I'm close to my Mum & Dad. They're in total isolation and coping well but I wish I could be with them and help keep morale up even a little.

    WhatsApp video calls are your friend.

  • It's tough isn't it. I don't anticipate seeing my parents or in-laws (who I like very much) until at least late summer. They're all pretty fit, but they are in their 70s. My guess is even that would only happen if we get the antibody test to show that we've had the coronavirus and couldn't be contagious any more. In the meantime I think that we'll just up the number of skype and phone calls.

  • Maybe i'll have to research simple phones that can handle whatsapp and have some simple instructions and send one to her?

  • The anitbody test would be really helpful wouldn't it

  • I'm sure my situation is far from unique, but fractured families face quite a challenge.

    I have three teenagers (one just back from university this week) who split their time 60/40 between their mum's house and mine. I have a partner with three of her own, two of whom live in her flat - she and I have fairly fluid arrangement, whereby we live in our own homes but obviously spend time at each other's. Since the situation got more serious, she's been at her flat with her daughters and I've been at my house, with my kids coming to spend time with me.

    Right now I'm questioning the sense of mine going back and forth between their mum and me, and when I saw my partner this morning we both did the "do we kiss?" thing, not wanting to risk contamination to either home. The way this will probably play out is with me stuck in the middle rattling round the house on my own. Not a great prospect when family is so important to me.

  • Thanks for starting the thread... very much feeling this at the moment. My folks are in Coventry in a retirement flat. Mum is 90 and in fair shape but dad is 100, no less, and has fibrosis, so a whiff of pneumonia will carry him off.

    I was due to visit on March 10 but my brother nabbed that day (doing a good job by sorting them a new mobile). By about the 12th I began to realise that a visit from a Southwark dweller who had been on buses and in taxis in recent days was looking less and less wise almost by the hour. So... called it off. Luckily for me there's understanding and zero guilt-tripping from them, but mum is upset and I honestly dunno if/when I'll see the old man again.

    Sadly attempts to get their Skype working again have proved problematic as mum can't use the simplest technology and dad has very little sight left.

  • A great thread and thanks for sharing. Both my birth parents passed away many years ago. But my foster mum 84 yo is very much alive but lockdown in sheltered home in Essex. Mum had been talking about coming back to live in Camden at christmas

    Principally because mum’s family and friends that are still alive live there and mobility of elderly friends has been a struggle. I pray that mum and her friends all survive this virus and mum moves back to the area she always calls home. I miss her terribly but we talk daily.

    Also I still have no contact from my birth mum’s sister and husband both elderly in Italy nor from any of my Italian cousins :(

  • My mother's 76 and in chemo treatment for cancer. Would really like to be there for her with everyday stuff like shopping etc but as it is now I'm infected, I can only be super grateful she has her man around, a really top guy, and they've learnt to shop for groceries online. Lots of friendly neighbours wanting to help as well. Still feels very strange for me.

  • Same as me, live 200 miles away from my parents, both in their 70's one in moderate health but the other on chemo and very frail. Not seen them since Christmas and no idea when I will see them next, so lots of skype and luckily my brother livers 1 mile away from them so he can help them out with shopping. Quite sad though, the road they live on of 5 houses, 4 out 5 houses are 60+ so guess they will try and look after each other.

    Also in the position of @Markyboy having a teenager who splits time between me and mum. It just doesn't make sense for her to keep going backwards and forwards, especially as her mum works in a care home with the elderly, although I am now full time wfh, I would hate to somehow be the one who introduces to their household so told teenager she needs to think about which home she wants to be locked down in fairly quickly.

  • If they are anything like my parents they will find a tablet easier as the screen is just too small for their eyesight on the phone

  • My dad, age 87, 200miles away in Liverpool is going out queuing for medicine, and at the supermarket for eggs.
    After his grandson has offered to pick anything up he needs, anytime.

    Having to tell my father off is crazy
    (what a role reversal)

  • My mum died about 5 years ago . She’d be beside herself with with worry if she’ been around now. Haven’t seen my 84 year old dad for a year because we fell out ( long story) brother I haven’t seen for a year and a half . BUT We’re reconnecting so it’s not all bad .😎

  • today was my pregnant sister's birthday. i don't think i'll see her or my dad before the baby's born in june, realistically. they each live about an hour away. she's loving it though – 12 weeks off on full pay then a year's maternity :D

  • Sorry to hear this bud :(

    My mum is in remission from leukaemia so also at-risk. Somewhat luckily(?) I seem to have been struck down with very mild symptoms so am in self-quarantine for 14 days. The good thing about this is that after 14 days of not having any contact with anyone I'll feel safe and able to visit her without risk of infection.

    Far from ideal for most but worth bearing in mind? I'd be very hesitant to visit anyone in the at-risk categories without having been in isolation for 7/14 days beforehand.

  • My father is over 70 and is self-isolating on a precautionary basis, and has been for 2 weeks now. I last saw him on 7th March at a birthday lunch. He seems cheerful enough, but it's hard to tell as he's stoical to a fault.

    My girlfriend is in Switzerland. She works for her company's Health and Safety department and is being run ragged. She's supposed to be on the safety side of things, as chemical plants are both dangerous places to be and things you really don't want going badly wrong, but is ending up doing a lot of health stuff on top. She has to stay in Switzerland for work, and I have to stay in the UK for work. Travel is obviously out of the question. I've no idea when I'll see her again.

  • My story's a bit of an outlier. My dear wife is on tour in Sri Lanka with a friend. Lockdown is happening there big-time and the two of them have managed to bring forward their flight home to Wednesday. Assuming they get on that flight, arriving HRW Thursday, I can go pick them up in the car so they don't have to get a cab or, worse, a train back to town. But should I? I am in a supposedly vulnerable group (yeah, 70) and have been more-or-less staying at home for a week or so. But they will have transited two international air terminals so properly should isolate for a fortnight. So once my wife gets home, do the two of us have to live separate lives until a supposed all-clear? It's a truly weird conundrum.

  • As difficult as it will be, I think you should treat your wife as if she has the virus, either until the 14 days period has elapsed or she tests negative. It really is just not worth the risk. Sorry.

    I don't post this to scare you (assuming you've not already read it) but just to stress how dangerous this is. Just to warn, it does contain rather graphic description of illness and death:­the-story-of-a-coronavirus-infection.htm­l

  • I suggest disposable coverall, face shield and surgical mask for the airport pick up, then 7 (or 14) days separation at home..
    Not very romantic, but increases your chances of survival

  • Also in the same boat as a few others here, 12 year old son lives with his mum. Trying to work out how to do the handover is tricky, especially as I have a 2 year old and my wife has another on the way..

    My parents are being a nightmare too, but I haven’t had to steal the car keys yet.

  • Have not read that one, but plenty of others. It's a bad way to go for sure.

  • If they're traveling Sri Lanka themselves they don't need picking up from the airport. It might seem rude but it's not worth the risk. Are you able to effectively isolate at home? Separate bedrooms etc. If so, prepare the house for that. If not, it might be better for her to stay in a hotel for a week or more before coming home. Is she also an at-risk group?

  • @HarmanMogul The advice should only be 7 days for her; AFAIK its 14 days is if you are cohabiting with someone who has symptoms (so 7 days for them to clear and then another 7 days for you to make sure you didn't catch it on the final day).

    Does the friend have someone who could pick them both up instead?

  • I went to see my 84 year old mum today. An hour and a half drive each way. I sat outside chatting with her through a cracked back window, eating lunch - a flask of tea and a peanut butter sandwich, trying to help her learn how to use a Kindle (she'll manage that) and a smartphone (not so sure). She's lucky in that she has very generous, friendly and kind neighbours, but 12+n weeks of isolation is going to be very very hard for many old people.

  • We have the opposite problem of most here, my parents in law live about a mile from our house and farm all the land around. Really hard explaining to my 4vyear old daughter why grandad isn’t stopping when he drives past in his tractor or why she can’t ride her bike down to nannies for a treat...

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Staying away from loved ones

Posted by Avatar for jazzythumper @jazzythumper