For Sale: Foffa Single Speed Custom-built bicycle

Vaseline is a powertip if you have the runs that last more than a day and it feels like you turning into a chemical plant that produces sulfuric acid. Mashed potato/other starchy food also seems to stem the tide a bit.

So do you eat these, or use them as a suppository?

If it's someone you don't like who'se afflicted then you can always mix some fine sand in...

You can eat vaseline but I never tried it. Feeling adventurous?

Is that a proposition?

Are you going to make me eat it off of your purple spatula? you dirty bugger

At least mix it in with some sweetener first.

I wouldn't eat vaseline if I was you.

There's a difference between can and should.

I share a tip about to help lessen the pain and this is the tx. Tsss :)

Is that a proposition?

Are you going to make me eat it off of your purple spatula? you dirty bugger

As I am a female that would be well impressive.

After 5 hours and one toasted sandwich in Cuba (no, not Gooding) I developed the most ridiculously debilitating shits, causing me to lie naked and shuddering on the bathroom floor in front of my relatively new girlfriend.

The following day we visited a cigar factory where the overpowering scent of virgins thighs made a second round of rampant liqui-shit imminent. I had to wrestle my way past various angry Cubans to bust into their private toilet before unleashing a stream of rancid arse gush with the door wide open infront of around 30 bemused virgins.

They were still a bit angry but pissed themselves laughing and gave me a free packet of Cohiba cigars.

CSB

Cool Shit Bros?

Got another one for you, my mate this time.

A stag do in the States. Many hours of eating, drinking and taking all sorts of bad stuff led us to a busy Strip Club. Suddenly, the binge caught up with Jim (not James' real name) and he had to make a rush to the loos. We'd already noticed that the gents had a glass wall, presumably to stop dudes from wanking / strippers from offering 'extras' / I have no fucking clue about this.

But as he burst through the door Jim spotted something else. There was a loo in the middle of the room. With no walls or anything to offer even a little privacy. His powerful need to shit overcame his English modesty and he whipped down his comedy Simpsons boxers and, ginger pubes flailing wildly, sprayed liquid diarrhea across the floor.

The rest of the group saw this happen through the stupid glass wall and it's put me off strippers ever since.

Right, enough about arse-gravy - how's the sale going OP?

After 5 hours and one toasted sandwich in Cuba (no, not Gooding) I developed the most ridiculously debilitating shits, causing me to lie naked and shuddering on the bathroom floor in front of my relatively new girlfriend.

The following day we visited a cigar factory where the overpowering scent of virgins thighs made a second round of rampant liqui-shit imminent. I had to wrestle my way past various angry Cubans to bust into their private toilet before unleashing a stream of rancid arse gush with the door wide open infront of around 30 bemused virgins.

They were still a bit angry but pissed themselves laughing and gave me a free packet of Cohiba cigars.

CSB
I suppose the good news is you weren't projectile from both ends. ;)

Incidentally, how do you know they were virgins?

Cuban cigars are rolled on the thighs of Cuban virgins.

Doesn't everyone know that?

Obviously not!

Really?

I had a very sheltered upbringing.

Where do I sign up?!

;)

I had a very sheltered upbringing.

dibs

Where do I sign up?!

;)

Pull the other one.

After 5 hours and one toasted sandwich in Cuba (no, not Gooding) I developed the most ridiculously debilitating shits, causing me to lie naked and shuddering on the bathroom floor in front of my relatively new girlfriend.

The following day we visited a cigar factory where the overpowering scent of virgins thighs made a second round of rampant liqui-shit imminent. I had to wrestle my way past various angry Cubans to bust into their private toilet before unleashing a stream of rancid arse gush with the door wide open infront of around 30 bemused virgins.

They were still a bit angry but pissed themselves laughing and gave me a free packet of Cohiba cigars.

CSB

I was actually on the floor loling at this. How long had you been with 'new girlfriend' btw?

dumped her ages ago, yolo

After 5 hours and one toasted sandwich in Cuba (no, not Gooding) I developed the most ridiculously debilitating shits, causing me to lie naked and shuddering on the bathroom floor in front of my relatively new girlfriend...

I was actually on the floor loling at this.
Were you also naked and shuddering, Jake?

This thread is priceless. Honest, tears of joy.