Wonderfully stupid bicycling questions

Turn up anywhere on a bicycle. 'Did you really cycle all the way here?'. No, I cycled to the taxi rank.

If we have a few beers in the office before hometime I have to spend about 30 minutes explaining to drunken colleagues that:

1. No, I don't have a helmet
   
2. No, I'm not going to walk all the way home because I haven't got a helmet
   
3. No, just because you're too pissed to balance properly / speak / stand doesn't mean I am
   
   

repped. this is my life^. colleagues and other friends.

Turn up to work in lycra and road cleats:

Did you run to work today?

Did you cycle in?

No I dress like this to get the fucking tube.

Did you get a bit wet today?

Said in a mocking voice, while I'm stood there soaked to the skin :-/

http://www.lfgss.com/forum7.html

Parents:
"Son, you are a multi-disciplinary cyclist who has worked in a bike shop. We value your experience and opinion. We are looking for two new bikes for cycling around the lanes and going down the odd gravel path. We have about £1200 to spend in total. What would you recommend?"

To parents:
"Firstly I would recommend that you go to a bike shop and have a test-ride. You are both tall; spending an extra fifty quid in a bike shop is preferable to buying a cheaper ill-fitting bike online. I would recommend hybrids with 700c wheels and 35-38c tyres as they are reasonably quick on the road and on dirt paths. nternal hub gears as they are easier to maintain. Mudguards are essential. Do not buy bikes with suspension as it only adds unnecessary weight and complexity."

Go to visit them six months later:
"Son, we got these two mountain bikes online for a great discounted price." Both bikes are caked in road grime. Mother: "riding my bike feels like pedalling through treacle, and my suspension is creaking". Father: "it does not shift gear easily any more". Both: "my bike is too small for me".

I am crying with laughter :') rep

I interviewed a candidate this week, once the work questions were done I asked what she did in non work hours........ 'I ride at Herne Hill as often as possible, also volunteer to clean and tidy up as much as time allows me. In fact, I'm going for a bike fitting at Oak cycles once I'm done here, and even more randomly I've got my new NJS bars and seat post with me for the fitting, would you like to see?'

Totally awesome response.....

I can only imagine the look on your face!!!

I work in a busy central london bike shop. How many pages should I contribute?

Seriously, we can't all be experts in everything. You all might sound just as wonderfully stupid by asking about the next thing, so this is kind of a dicky thread...

This.

Why do you need those new handlebars / shoes / stem / saddle etc. Whats wrong with the old ones?

A question that annoys me most of the time, as it's mostly meant as a way of putting distance between the questioner and the person being addressed: 'Oh, are you a quorn cyclist?'

exactly vegan thread >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>