Does anyone know anything about gardening?

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  • my garden is massivly overgrown and the neighbours are complaining. i'm happy to chop the triffids down - is it as easy as just taking a chainsaw to anything big and hedge trimmers to the walls of creepers?
    anything i should be aware of before i get rambo on the plants?

  • Do not operate threshing machines whilst under the influence of alcohol.

  • my garden is massivly overgrown and the neighbours are complaining. i'm happy to chop the triffids down - is it as easy as just taking a chainsaw to anything big and hedge trimmers to the walls of creepers?
    anything i should be aware of before i get rambo on the plants?

    How do you mean? Are you worried you might chop down a rare orchid?

  • If it's really overgrown you can't go wrong with a billhook

  • How do you mean? Are you worried you might chop down a rare orchid?

    its more that i dont know what i dont know if you see. there may be ways of cutting back certain plants without killing them. i've got a mass of creepers more than an arms depth from the wall they grow on - there may be things living in there. might be a bad time to demolish their homes.

  • Do not operate threshing machines whilst under the influence of alcohol.

    meh - what could possibly go wrong?

  • I see, just go carefully and don't destroy plants you like the look of.

  • Be prepared to bleed.

    A mature bramble will go straight through pretty much any work gloves.

  • Never let the bastards grind you down

  • birds should have done all their sex work now, you wont be disturbing nests.
    if you have creepers/ ivy aint no point in doing it unless you are gonna be brutal and get right down to the bases of them, nuclear bomb should do it.
    other stuff, sounds like you arent sure if there are any plants worth keeping, so get someone to check that out too,
    really though severe cutting back is just a grind, get gloves, good loppers, dont swing a chainsaw unless you know what youre doing, make plenty provision for getting the shit out there will be piles of it. have an aim while youre working, like an hour, or clear a couple of metres space- otherwise jobs like that are endless,
    that will be £5 please for a serious answer, usual paypal thanks.good luck.

  • If there's any possibility of solid metal etc items being concealed in amongst the plants and you don't know where be really careful; I used a strimmer in such situations with massive boots on, attacking the base of plants.

  • Speaking as a NPTC certified chainsaw/pesticide geek, do NOT swing one of those fuckers around to clear the garden, especially not some poorly maintained pos from a hire place.
    If you clip anything remotely tough at full revs its gonna come straight back into your knees. You're better off with a brushcutter(more manly version of a strimmer) while wearing hightop workboots and a couple of pairs of jeans if not protective leggings.

    Billhook, slasher, loppers, htfu.
    Once you've got that shit down and cleared out you want to dig up any stumps you can and apply glyphosate over the ivy/hardier stumps, put a bin bag over weighed down with some stones and wait(don't leave it exposed or any roaming moggies will have some problems).

    And talk to Stix on here, for she is the queen of the gardeners.

    Oh, and if you hire a saw/hedgecutter and whack it into a wall, fencepost etc you're gonna get a bill for sharpening it(about £40 for a hedgecutter)

    OR

    PAY ME TO DO IT!

  • I've seen some horrific kickback photos, not pretty at all.

  • I've seen some horrific kickback photos, not pretty at all.

    I've seen that shit live.

  • And remember kids, chainsaws don't 'cut' flesh, they plough it.

  • birds should have done all their sex work now, you wont be disturbing nests.
    if you have creepers/ ivy aint no point in doing it unless you are gonna be brutal and get right down to the bases of them, nuclear bomb should do it.
    other stuff, sounds like you arent sure if there are any plants worth keeping, so get someone to check that out too,
    really though severe cutting back is just a grind, get gloves, good loppers, dont swing a chainsaw unless you know what youre doing, make plenty provision for getting the shit out there will be piles of it. have an aim while youre working, like an hour, or clear a couple of metres space- otherwise jobs like that are endless,
    that will be £5 please for a serious answer, usual paypal thanks.good luck.

    Speaking as a NPTC certified chainsaw/pesticide geek, do NOT swing one of those fuckers around to clear the garden, especially not some poorly maintained pos from a hire place.
    If you clip anything remotely tough at full revs its gonna come straight back into your knees. You're better off with a brushcutter(more manly version of a strimmer) while wearing hightop workboots and a couple of pairs of jeans if not protective leggings.

    Billhook, slasher, loppers, htfu.
    Once you've got that shit down and cleared out you want to dig up any stumps you can and apply glyphosate over the ivy/hardier stumps, put a bin bag over weighed down with some stones and wait(don't leave it exposed or any roaming moggies will have some problems).

    And talk to Stix on here, for she is the queen of the gardeners.

    Oh, and if you hire a saw/hedgecutter and whack it into a wall, fencepost etc you're gonna get a bill for sharpening it(about £40 for a hedgecutter)

    OR

    PAY ME TO DO IT!

    thanks guys. good advice. will pad up and maybe pass on the chainsaw.

  • *m.f birds should have done all their sex work now

    What about pigeons there always 'at it' ?

  • at this time of year watch out for wasps nests, you hit one youll have hundreds of the fuckers in your grill

  • paraquat <----- garden obliteration, no more trimming, ever :)

  • just chuck a load of petrol on it all.

  • Do not lean into a bailer, ever.

    Do not operate threshing machines whilst under the influence of alcohol.

  • I've got a big bastard petrol brush cutter that would snick your leg off at the stump before you can say "hop".

    Give me kittens watching the kids using it.

  • Copper nails in ivy/tree stumps works a treat.

  • Hire it out as an allotment to local green people

  • Speaking as a NPTC certified chainsaw/pesticide geek, do NOT swing one of those fuckers around to clear the garden, especially not some poorly maintained pos from a hire place.

    Billhook, slasher, loppers, htfu

    glyphosate...

    top advice. Plus the billhook will be useful in case of a zombie invasion

    only thing I would add, depending on the situation (house walls etc), check for phone cables.. on my second day on my first climbing job after college, I snipped a phone cable with some loppers and cost my boss £200, haha

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Does anyone know anything about gardening?

Posted by Avatar for carson @carson

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