Silence James (the cat)

Wools- He stands on your chest and miaows at you.

Our kitten used to attack feet to wake us up when she wanted attention but now just sleeps with us and occasionally frots herself against any limb that has slipped out of the duvet during the night. She did calm the fuck down was she was neutered though, that was a relief.

As soon as the central heating kicks in she heads for the radiator bed we got her as it's warmer but she can still keep an eye on us.

You know what you should have done to that car

I thought about it but I am not really good at pissing standing up (and it was just outside my office).

Your cat just wants to party

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thank fuck this is about james the cat, not james the cunt

Buying a houseboat in Little Venice will not placate your cat's need to tell you about it's day at 4am.

I reckon the easiest way to solve this problem is to have his vocal cords and front paws removed.

I'm not having my testicles removed to be at one with my moggy.

you got to take one for the Team Dammit

This thread is useless without pics...

If he has little time left, just wind the clock forward.

Eat him.

Cat and Blackbean ftw

burn the evil little furball.
slowly.

Not burn, roast.

1. Your cat thinks that making noise = food and is getting to Hungary at nigh
   
   
   

I think this would be the best solution

Cats are nocturnal, your cat just wants to play or is feeling insecure and wants company.

Solutions:

1. Leave the bedroom door open, your cat may or may not then attack your face as you sleep, worth a shot.
   
2. Open the door and spray the cat with water whenever it wants to get in, after a few nights it'll get the message that bothering you at night is "wrong".
   
3. Buy the cat more interesting things to play with/do at night other than bothering yourself... a massive cat fortress for example.
   
4. Tire the cat out in the daytime and it will be less active at night.
   
5. Your cat thinks that making noise = food and is getting hungary at night, make sure you only feed the cat at a set time twice a day, never feed your cat if it is near the bowl or causing a fuss.
   
   

Good luck and God's speed.

That is one of the most professionally executed responses to a non-bike related questions that I have seen. Are you a pet therapist?

I used to wake up every morning with my cat Geoffrey attacking my face with claws, kind of feeling like this chap:

so i started just locking him and his sister in the kitchen, and they ripped the fuck out of the pine door, so had to stick a large sheet of perspex over the back of that, on which they could gain no purchase.

Now they sleep in kitchen quite happily all night.

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I used to work as a veterinary nurse... we all have secrets.

(Don't we MC Snoops?)

Monty has always had all the doors left open, chiefly because I hate closed doors too. Mostly he sleeps at the end of the bed, or on the window sill or occasionally will come and sleep up near your head. Most of the night he goes around the flat being a tiger and attacking any stray gazelles or wildebeest that happen to have gained access. so far he's kept our flat clear of such herbivorous African plains dwellers, so he's pretty good at it. And he's caught a few mice too.

At 7am every morning (it used to be 7:30 - not sure why it's earlier these days) he jumps on the bed, sits by my head and taps my face with his paw until I wake up and give him his breakfast. The cuteness of this is so huge that it outweighs the inconvenience or lack of lie-ins.

Anyway, to ensure he is tired in the evening I get a small handful of his dry food and fling the biscuits around the flat. He chases after them at top speed, leaping over any obstacles we have placed in the way, and knackers himself out. If I run out of biscuits before he runs out of energy I just give him the last biscuit to eat out of my hand, and this tells him the game is over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBvgCJgxFtc

Beat me to it!

^source of his name.

Give your cat some mechano

Give your cat a mission

Get it a friend

And if that doesn't work..

Mine has to be locked in the living room, otherwise he'll wake me up at 3am to play or for food... He's quite though now and sleeps on the sofa which he loves anyway.

Buy him a keyboard

Oh, and a set of headphones.

Had exactly the same problem with Tommy our cat....

We found a combination of Foil and double sided tape did the trick as they hate to touch both of those.

Also as already mentioned they are complete creatures of habit, and as soon as you let them in he will realise that it will work every time!

Our cat has learnt to sneak into the bedroom and hide under the bed without us knowing - to the point that this morning I woke up with his face less than an inch away from my face, I thought I was being attacked by a giant cat!

Good luck though, it took a good month of ignoring his calls, to get him out of the habit.

Actually the best method I read about was filling an big oblong tub with water and making a moat, which is fine until you forget it is there in the morning......

...or get up in the night for a pee and, feeling lazy, just pee in the moat. Then forget it is there in the morning.

YouTube- Simon's Cat 'Cat Man Do'