Crap 'Buzzwords'

'The role holder is responsible for establishing, leading and maintaining the editorial tone and defining key taxonomy and contextual in-line journey content across all key touch points of the customer lifecycle'.

Leave it with me, boss.

I assume this is a job ad, they wouldn't need to hire someone to do that if they could rite proper.

'The role holder is responsible for establishing, leading and maintaining the editorial tone and defining key taxonomy and contextual in-line journey content across all key touch points of the customer lifecycle'.

The way this gets progressively worse is brilliant.

The role holder is responsible for establishing, leading and maintaining the editorial tone

This is all fine.

defining key taxonomy and contextual in-line journey content

Hmm...starting to lose me, although I can see how this might mean something to people in the relevant field, whatever that might be.

across all key touch points of the customer lifecycle.

Oh. It's just written by a big fucking idiot.

Perfect analysis. I wanted to deconstruct the final part, but my human lifecycle is much too precious to waste.

Trilemma. A "three pronged" problem. Someone just said it on a conference call RIGHT NOW.

Staff engagement.

I'm already married, now fuck off and leave me alone.

^^Right on the edge of being acceptable, especially as a tripartite solution would solve it entirely.

Lean in to the relationship
We're on the glide path to transition
Put it on your scratch pad and give it an itch, yeah?
Proactivity not reactivity
Do you check against my check, check?

A few of the bullshit phrases I've lived with recently

literally and stunning are the most overused words.

stunning really fucks me off

I went to the wedding of a relative of mine. Everyone was constantly saying how stunnin' the bride was. Jesus, my piss boiled.

Literally I presume.

Jesus, my piss boiled.

I recall the water into wine incident, and even the fish and loaves thing. can't remember anything in RE about any miraculous piss boiling exploits though, but anything is possible.

A colleague of mine sent an email yesterday that was described as an exocet. was quite accurate.

Some planning jargon is simply terrible. Yesterday I heard the expression 'urban joinery' for the first time. Apparently, it refers to kiosk-like spaces, in this case in a largely residential development.

Are you sure it wasn't reference to that god-awful sculpture on the Olympic village?

A head teacher used "sign post" as a verb yesterday, "please sign post them to me"

Going forward
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRr7H3woFn4&feature=player_detailpage&list=PL1665576E7498BAB7"]Going
%22%5DGoing&v=nRr7H3woFn4 Forward | David Mitchell's Soapbox - YouTube[/ame]

"Can we get a steer on this"

I get it, it makes sense, there's few more concise ways to say it, but boy do I hear that one a lot at the moment.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vyFSdj1J5Vw

I think I heard this in some radio 4 political
programme .

" They flew up some kites and some of them didn't come down "

Beautiful :)

Tell me this is a repost.

"Mood board"

No, it's a fucking collage, you idealess cunt.

Whenever my boss loudly arranges to 'touch base' with someone I always imagine him wanking them off. And the funniness quenches my fury.

When people describe trends or people with a similar interest as 'scenes'

'the fixed gear scene' etc

Not sure if this has been mentioned on here before but I'm increasingly reading on forums....'my bad'. For fucks sake what is the world coming too. I can appreciate Amerkins saying it but this is from people born and raised in the uk, Cunts

Whenever my boss loudly arranges to 'touch base' with someone I always imagine him wanking them off. And the funniness quenches my fury.

I always respond to that, as though I did not hear properly, with "touch face?, Wha...?"

"Heath Robinson"

Hear it all the time - when something has been made to fit, without planning involved

"It was all a bit Heath Robinson"

not exactly a buzzword, it is a turn of phrase relating to a cartoon artist who drew bizarre contraptions, he died in 1944

Whenever my boss loudly arranges to 'touch base' with someone I always imagine him wanking them off. And the funniness quenches my fury.

I always hear "touch cloth" which makes me giggle.