Crap 'Buzzwords'

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  • Why does everything at my work have to be 'at pace' rather than 'quickly' or 'rapidly?

    I wouldn't be surprised if shit like Grammarly was responsible for half this bollocks.

  • In this case I think it comes from people who believe Agile is something more than a way of developing a certain subset of technology projects, and therefore everything should be done in 'sprints'.

  • gwynethpaltrow_blokeoutofradiohead_consc­ious_uncoupling.jgif

    Coldplay, mate.

  • Tears in the rain.

  • I don't know how or when it happened, but 'to do' lists or actions are now being referred to as "punch lists" in my place.

  • i somehow came across this company where (other) companies pay a monthly subscription per employee for remote-working setups (IT, desk, chairs, etc.)

    Nothing wrong with that in particular, but it calls itself "the physical OS for Remote teams" (sic)

  • it's really interesting to see who latches onto these weird things first. sometimes an important person (a boss or a client) will drop a new term like that in a meeting and certain people will instantly and unquestioningly adopt it.

    at my old company, the MD was called mark smith (i've changed the actual name but bear with me) and everyone just called him 'mark'. when he left, his replacement was his close friend, who referred to him as 'smithy', so some people switched to 'smithy' when talking about him, which i found a bit creepy.

  • My workplace is outdoing itself atm:

    Tech Ops

    Please ...

    Ideation Session

    Kill me now.

  • Recently found a job ad for a "Creative visionary" position. Description included the following:
    "Your CV can be anything at all - just send us what feels right" and "Don't be afraid to contact us a hundred times, persistence is key". Yeah, fuck off

    EDIT: Thought this was the hate thread, but I guess it still fits the theme somewhat

  • I am working with a lot of Americans at the moment, why do they all feel compelled to immediately tell you what type of person they are using a quasi psych shit term?

    "Hello, nice to meet you"
    "Hi... I am an external processor and type A hybrid which means while I am very structured and organised I can sometimes appear to have unstructured thoughts. This also drives a counter response from my Challenger mindset which can sometimes appear hyper critical. Great to meet you"

  • I am an external processor and type A hybrid

    You must have misheard, you are talking AIs not Americans

  • I'm very tired of hearing the word "jab" in relation to vaccination or inoculation.

  • This is hilarious.

    I'm sure it can't be confined to Americans.

  • when i was a kid it was jabs all day. my mum was diabetic so that was literally a daily word in the house.

  • I'm very tired of hearing the word "jab" in relation to vaccination or inoculation.

    Poke ?

    er stab ?

  • All hands on call & someone has asks the CFO:

    What is the financial target matrix for various verticals of the business in short to medium term at part of the new OTT business focus?

    To which he responds:

    I don't know what that means.

  • All hands on call

  • Aw no, I've become institutionalised!

  • "Internal north star" on this Communications department catch-up. Brilliant.

  • ‘polishing your webinar’


  • "SME's"

    Subject Matter Experts


    Small to Medium sized Enterprises

    make you're fucking mind up.

  • Subject Matter Experts

    Utterly stupid term. 'Expert' covers it.

  • I have just spent 45 mins trying to find the right HR form to fill out because one of my team has handed in their notice.

    The intranet page and document are both titled "Separation intent".

    I would like to submit this as 'some bullshit'.

  • "Separation intent"

    I am possibly considering divorcing this company. wtf.

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Crap 'Buzzwords'

Posted by Avatar for StandardPractice @StandardPractice