Annual Stupid Riding Moment

About once a year, I'm a fucking zombie twat on a bicycle. I remember last year, during a period of not riding to work, I crossed Roseberry Avenue from Percival St, and completely forgot to look for traffic coming from the left. I lived, but for a while afterwards, wondered if I really deserved to.

This morning, I was a major cunting idiot. I need to:

1. Make a point of being properly alert when riding to work in the morning, mainly because I usually ride to work at lunchtime, and also because the clocks have just changed and I'm all out whack.

2. Stop using stupid fucking segregated cycle lanes in the Bloomsbury area, and work out another alternative route. I never use some of these lanes, but it's time for a blanket ban.

3. Not let a close call with a wanker in a white van on Russell Square disturb my concentration for the following couple of minutes.

4. Not get distracted by weird single speed transmissions on bikes either in front of me, or that I'm passing.

5. Regain the ability to notice Bromptons and fluorescent jackets, particularly those riding straight at me whilst I'm on the wrong side of the cycle lane.

Sorry, mate. You're probably not on here. At least we got some emergency stopping practice. I'm not blind in the ocular sense, but clearly something malfunctioned this morning. It won't happen again, or at least not for another year or so, and the chances are that you won't be the other involved party.

I'm full of self-loathing now, but I'm on a week long first aid course, so hopefully the healing can start soon...

Too much looking at muck on the internet?

PM us the link BMMF!

We all make mistakes innit. I'm most vulnerable when I ride the quiet roads where I allow myself some breathing space and relax. Recipe for getting doored.

Oh and Bloomsbury is a sensory mind-fuck.

My instance was Friday last, when I shoulder-barged a pedestrian from behind as he drifted (ever so slightly) into the bike lane, just off Borough High St. He squawked in a way that was more than just beatboxing along to his i-Pod. I felt like a ganglandgrannyslashingfuckingzombiethug. Turned a few corners, got some white-van abuse just for bieng there, and got over it. My excuse though: downtube gear shifters.

C'mon y'all, 'fess-up.

Bad luck. Hope you're not hurt bad.

Likewise, I was riding a bmx once and just zoned out completely. I don't even know where my mind went to, but I do remember my face, quickly followed by my shoulders, genitals and knees, flying over my bars and into the back of a white van. Fuck a dog did that hurt. I was promptly called a "pissing wanker" by the driver (true). Then I went to cross the road - sort of in shock - and almost got hit by a car - and I was such a drip, I just fell over and yelped in the middle of the road. Another car full of dorky blokes even stalled becasue they were laughing so hard.

Gah. I'm still embarrassed five years later.

Bring Me My Muppet, you're just tired from all that over-acting you were doing on the ride yesterday :P

I got side swiped by a sheep (jokes please) yesterday whist MTBing. Managed to stay on (the bike) but ended up stuck in quite a deep stream.

I got side swiped by a sheep (jokes please) yesterday whist MTBing.

No wonder if you're completely distracted while playing cards at the same time as riding. What sort of sport is this, anyway? Just bizarre. Perhaps the sheep had more sense than you and wanted to save you from sinking further into the quagmire of the sort of pointless leisure pursuits that people dream up when unemployed.

BmmF. Hope the emergency stopping practice paid off and that you didn't actually make contact with the hi-vis collapsing bike rider. If it did not, hope you, your bike and the hi-vis collapsing bike rider are all ok.

I had some old dear cross the road in Kentish town - she completely ignored my and kept on walking so i passed behind her. sadly as i approached she dropped her keys, spun around and bent down to pick them up putting her head right in front of me

i leant out as best as i could but just managed to catch the top of her head with my knee, caught it pretty sweet and heard that sqwawk John mentioned. it was wrong to laugh but i couldn't help it

Those cycle lanes in Bloomsbury are dumb, i avoid them like the plague. to be fair though sounds like your stupid riding moment wasnt so bad. my most recent one involved not concentrating and then accidentally cutting up an ambulance on Old Brompton Road really bad. oh how i felt like a class A fucking twat...

My favourite cycle lanes are the separated ones in Howland Street between TCR and Portland Street. Not because they are any good to cycle down - they're not - but because I once saw a van get completely stuck in one with all 4 wheels off the ground, and unable to go anywhere.

I love BMMF's honesty.

Greasy - fuck man, you smashed an old lady in the temple with your knee? That'll teach her! :s

There was no collision between either myself, the weird single-speed bike I was passing, or the oncoming folder.

To be honest, I think the folding bloke should've made more of an effort to brake sooner - he was, after all, the one that noticed the impending doom first, but I'm not really in a position to be picky about things.

I managed to keep the back end on the ground, and then tuck back in behind the weird single-speeder/hub gear thing at the last minute, but for a second, I thought it was going to be a tyre-to-tyre head-on smash.

I wasn't acting yesterday, hippy. It really is that easy for me to drop you.

Greasy - fuck man, you smashed an old lady in the temple with your knee? That'll teach her! :s

It was smack in the middle of the top of her head, a clean blow giving a clean hollow sound

Sounds to me like you nearly killed yourself trying to impress hippy and today you were on empty Mr Bring Me My Foldup

Yesterday's ride barely registered in my legs. I love days like that.

But last night's rapid-returning with the newly uncaged toddler sleeping arrangements was a more draining affair.

hippy is only impressed by food.

Yesterday's ride barely registered in my legs.

:o

I got a long way to go then...

You probably did 15 or so miles more than me. That'll be the reason :p

Where did you ride? - was it the other forum one???

BMMF, you should start dominating points 1-5.

@Greasy Slag - Yeah, 15 miles each way from Smithfield Market to Orpington and back, and 45 hillyish miles in Kent (including Yorks Hill, sort of by accident; and, on rechecking my computer, a 48.2mph descent).

@Shinscar - I can't be bothered. BTW, do you have a 23t sprocket I can have (or borrow in Sep/Oct)? I've got a 20t or 22t to trade if necessary...

Do you ever think sometimes you are award of too much stuff going on, and sometimes you'd be safer if you were a dumb idiot?

no no 23t sorry... gears?

48mph Descent - Very nice! fiddy and I clocked 42 on route to brigton, he pushed on that as he had a bigger gear

Shins got a point, the life of a simple man has a lot to offer.. thats from a man who knows

Ignorance is bliss, so I've heard.

Fuck gears.