What to shout?

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of 8
  • yooo hooo darlings
    You visually impaired fuckwads

  • I'm thinking of suspending a gong in my front triangle, has anyone tried this yet? I imagine that pedestrians fall silent and stand transfixed as you pass.

    That is fecking genius, keep us posted if you go ahead with it, i'd love to see the looks on peoples faces after they've been gonged.

  • I cycled over a crowded crossing with the lights green, bellowing a loud " OH FOR FUCKS SAKE...MOVE". after which I was flagged down by a beat policeman, chest all puffed out and screaming in my face, Gunnery Sargeant Hartman style, ("What is your major malfunction Private Pile")....."why are you shouting at those pedestrians....what if one of them was blind?.... couldnt see you....you could have caused an accident...show me some ID'

    I was speechless.

  • Can't believe this one hasn't been done yet....

    [Repeated with increasing intensity] "Allaaaaah -u - akbar!"

    (best not attempted around the old bill while looking brazilian and wearing a rucksack)

  • I once shouted 'I will be victorious' as I flew past a fellow commuter on my way to uni much to the amusement of my mate who was standing at the bus stop I was passing, think I scared the shit out of him.

    In reference to what to shout at lemmings about to cross the road a friend of mine suggested shouting "HEADS UP" usually grabs attention.

  • "Roadkill!" followed by a lick of the lips

  • I just shout:

    "I am OnOneLangster and I can part the sea of people"

    then I wave my hands and the pedestrians part in the middle allowing me to ride through unhindered without the risk of damaging my double spoks

  • genius.

  • 115 db & 45 grams - fully sick!!


    Apparently best for scaring white van blokes

  • "By the power of Grey Skull!"

  • Cheese Gromit.

  • "Child Knife Cult" or "Anal Dog Rape" tend to get attention.

  • "By the power of Grey Skull!"

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! YES!!

  • according to hillbilly, yelling "ARMED POLICE" also works rather effectively...

  • ooo! i'll try that one. i blurted out "EYES!! EEEYES!!!" this morning at a wrong-way-wanderer. total lack of gorm.

  • I currently favour INCOMING in the style of WWII trench.

    Having watched a lot of band of brothers recently, I'm liking this. Looking forward to road-testing it, if you get me.

  • Sparta!

    this. is. FIXEDGEAR!


    In brightest day, in blackest night,
    No evil shall escape my sight
    Let those who worship evil's might,
    Beware my power... Bicycles light!

    Bit wordy, but works if you see them coming/think they're a nerd.

  • Goodnight!

  • Normally I just yell "DING DING" or "AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!"

  • I hit a guy once, and without thinking I opened my mouth and asked him "was your mother to busy fellating your sister to teach you how to cross the road?"

    I don't know which of us were more gobsmacked.

  • I've shouted "IT'S GREEN!!" before, but normally just because I'm annoyed. Mostly I don't shout anything, slow down a bit and weave through (unless there are lots of peds). The problem with shouting is then people do stupid things. They might stop still like a rabbit, they might run. If they don't know you're there to begin with it's easier to predict what they're going to do - keep walking.

    What really pisses me off is when people cross the road at totally inappropriate places like in front of buses - Tooley St. is classic for this. So you're either whizzing down the cycle lane on the inside or overtaking a bus on the right, then some twat appears from in front of the bus. It's happened to me so often that I now almost expect it. In these cases "LOOK WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING" does quite nicely.

    I once saw/heard a messenger do a very loud kind of parrot-style "AWAHH! SQWAUK!!" on Liverpool St. It seemed to work for him...

  • i fucked you're mum works a treat round my way.

  • The worst sons of bitches are the fuckers who look at you, know you're there and cross anyway because you're only a bicycle. There are hundreds on the Oxford Road (Manchester). I don't know whether to shout or not, cause they clearly know I'm there.

    I got into shouting "Shiva me timba's" in a faux-african accent after I heard it on the News Quiz aaaaages ago, it's so fun to say.

  • I normally just shout 'EYES' or 'NOT STOPPING'

    I didn't wade through the pages, but in Venice but apparently not other parts of Italy they say Occhio! (Eyes!) and I never thought I'd see it somewhere else.

    yes, I'm a dork. shrug

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What to shout?

Posted by Avatar for matt_r_p @matt_r_p