Describe your favourite crash

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  • Mine was riding drunk down camberwell new road, at 4 am, and feeling so totally at peace I decided to close my eyes. I opened them the instant I smacked straight into a curb and landed propped up against a bus stop.

    What's your favourite crash?

    Aside from Chris.

  • Drinking all day in Islington I rode home to Queens park. I rode into a stationary parked car and broke my neck. I rode home then went to hospital who never noticed that my neck was broken and sent me on my way with painkillers that didn't work. I was in so much pain my mate Abrey went got me some opium to get me through. Anyway noone noticed my neck was broken until I collapsed in a nightclub three weeks later.

  • i was 5 years old. my mum was taking me and my sister to see Shakin' Stevens at the Cornwall Coliseum. The weather was abysmal and someone in a ford cortina rear-ended our renault 5. the gig was amazing.

  • mine was reading about a brakeless hipster hitting a bollard and a wall.

    actually my favorite crash happened near the top of brixton hill, i was walking up the hill with 2 bags of shopping when i noticed a pavement cyclist heading towards me, i also noticed a bollard that narrowed the pavement a little, i looked down at the pavement instead of looking up where i was going and headed towards the gap between bollard and a shop doorway.
    the pavement cyclist probably thought i would just get out of the way but he only realised at the last moment that I hadn't seen him riding towards me, he tried to ride round me but only succeeded in crashing into the shop doorway. he looked in a lot of pain. i laughed at him and called him a cunt, then walked home and cooked a chese and mushroom omlette.
    i let out small chuckles for a least an hour after the event.

  • actually my favorite crash happened near the top of brixton hill, i was walking up the hill with 2 bags of shopping when i noticed a pavement cyclist heading towards me, i also noticed a bollard that narrowed the pavement a little, i looked down at the pavement instead of looking up where i was going and headed towards the gap between bollard and a shop doorway.
    the pavement cyclist probably thought i would just get out of the way but he only realised at the last moment that I hadn't seen him riding towards me, he tried to ride round me but only succeeded in crashing into the shop doorway. he looked in a lot of pain. i laughed at him and called him a cunt, then walked home and cooked a chese and mushroom omlette.
    i let out small chuckles for a least an hour after the event.

    this is way better than any of mine, therefore currently my favorite.

  • I used to crash (and therefore burn) many a time on a Saturday night, so I ended up going for a cheaper model. Now I spend my Saturday nights arguing about what to watch on TV while I surf through internet forums.

  • my second favorite crash happened in Maidstone high street outside WH Smiths about 30 years ago.
    i don't know if the yoot on here know who busby was so for those who don't, he's a large yellow bird that was the mascot/advertising character for British telecom.

    there was a large busby outside smiths handing out balloons so I walked up to him to get a balloon.
    "Mister can I have a Balloon?"
    (i had worked out that santa clause was a fake so a big yellow bird would have a man inside too)
    Busby turned round but as i was standing really close he knocked me to the floor with his big yellow sticking out gut.
    I cried a bit.
    he gave me 2 balloons and i was happy.

  • That reminds me of when I was about 8 or 9, and my parents, aspiring working class Thatcherite commuter belt cultureless cunts that they were, took the family out for a day at the Wimbledon lawn tennis championships.

    Whilst meandering around the grounds, I got separated from the clan due to a sudden hubbub and low key crowd hysteria. It seemed I slipped through a cordon of security types, and starting to feel a little bewildered, I span round, only to walk head first into some woman's crotch.

    Lo and behold, it was Martina Navratilova. At this point, you might start to think that such an event could leave an indelible stain on the embryotic sexual awareness of a pre-pubescent, but it didn't stop there.

    Stumbling back and looking up into the face of an androgynous-primary-school-teacher-cum-mĀ­ultiple-grass-court-and-grand-slam-champĀ­ion, I followed her gaze as it was turned to the man accompanying her, also decked out in phosphorescently white tennis playing regalia. And I knew his name also. And it was Cliff Richard.

  • Jeebus. That's enough to make anyone hate tennis for life.

  • Oh yes.

  • ...whereas for me it's just blind prejudice.

    (And being a junior member of a tennis club in Tunbridge Wells between ages of 14-17).

  • odd how one of you turned out to be a true blue tory wanker the other a misguided socialist idealist wanting to burn the bourgeoisie

  • My mother's favourite crash was striking a golf-ball, squarely, in exactly the right direction to get into the pot (sorry I'm not really up on golfing nomenclature), only for it to strike a sapling about 15 metres away, and come directly back and hit her square in her left eye, dislodging her retina.

  • odd how one of you turned out to be a true blue tory wanker the other a misguided socialist idealist wanting to burn the bourgeoisie

    Misguided? Bollocks. I think Buzby gave you some kind of lifelong concussion.

  • i thought you were the thatcherite capitalist pig?

    :-)

    just realised you shouldn't talk politics on forums. sorry about that.

  • Thatcherism isn't really politics though, is it. More like a virus.

  • "thatcherism" is just a media soundbyte

    wakey wakey folks, it wasn't just mad maggie what lead us up the garden path

  • That's what I meant - viral marketing.

  • I bet maggie thatcher has some good crash stories. LIKE HOW SHE FUCKING RUINED THE WHOLE PLANET. GOD she's such a bitch.

  • my favourite was today, when object broadsided me into the fence at polo, and my nose hit the fence, i ripped both my legs open, and bled all over his bike. prick.

  • my favourite was today, when object broadsided me into the fence at polo, and my nose hit the fence, i ripped both my legs open, and bled all over his bike. prick.

    my favorite crashes have object (or dale) getting hurt, not you.

  • what's yours chris?

    (edit) Well that was a dumb question.

  • I bet maggie thatcher has some good crash stories. LIKE HOW SHE FUCKING RUINED THE WHOLE PLANET. GOD she's such a bitch.

    Stock Market Crash, October '87. Known as Black Monday, which made it racist to boot.

    Pure Maggie magic.

  • what's yours chris?

    (edit) Well that was a dumb question.

    what you mean where i actually crash?

    the time i fell off a curb getting onto a regional buss, and got my bike jammed under the buss, pinning me down.

  • I'd just got my Deep-V laced to my Phil and I decided to go out for a 3am ride during a bit of a party 'round at ours... I was fucked, I turned 'round when a car passed and noticed the huge shadow my rims were casting on the road... So smitten was I with my bike's shadow, I ploughed into a parked van... My lady won't let me out on the bike when I'm pissed anymore... Which is reasonable...

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Describe your favourite crash

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