Thank You White Van Man

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  • So just finished work on Commercial Street about 5.20 yesterday and was unlocking my bike from the railings opposite that new Subway. Whipped out the old ipod and was deliberating over which playlist to take me home, when there comes a tap on my shoulder. I turn round to see a cheeky looking 15-year-old Bengali lad who smacks me in the face without so much as a by your leave.

    Didn't hurt much so i grabbed him by the trackie top and threw him against a wall. Next thing i know i'm bundled to the ground with five other little scamps laying into me landing some extremely painful kidney kicks and i have to say i started to panic. My bike was unlocked, lights on and ready to roll as well...

    That was when I hear a massive bellow of 'FAAACKING CAANTS' - ironically enough a massive white van man has pulled up and opened his door - that gave the tykes pause for thought and i jumped (limped really) to my feet to see em running off. Completely ignored my bike but they did get my ipod.

    By then some of my workmates were out the door too and the police were called - only funny thing to come out of it was that they put down my job as 'bicycle messenger' on my statement and i had to explain to them that I only dress as one and am in fact a mere press officer.

    My portly saviour had nobly driven off without even seeking a word of thanks. Never thought I'd be saying something like this but thank you white van man for saving me a more severe kicking. Next time i get pulled out in front of/cut up/forced against a wall at speed by a white van i'm just gonna give em a thumbs up and let them carry on...

  • God bless the wvm

  • five to one, sounds about right for that little mob

  • And yet i want to kill the one who knocked me off and lied on the police report. I guess you can't tar everyone with the same brush.

    Glad you're ok though.

  • yeah only thing other than a couple bruises is my fucking lower right back is killing me - if you see a bianchi pista pulling away from the lights extremely slowly that'll be me...

  • yeah i'd agree i've had a few insidents recently when WVM have been nice enough to clear a passage in traffic for me or slow down and wave me through tight gaps and just going out of there way not to put me under preasure...

    ...not all bad at all

  • Happy story about the interventionist in the van - I'm glad things turned out OK and you still have your bike at least.
    Thanks for putting my stolen bicycle lights in perspective.. ( I was cursing Shepherds Bush all morning.. jeez! )

  • I was chased by a White Van Man this morning, and ended up wiping out in front of him and gashing my knee open. CNUT!

  • that's fucked up - my girlfriend told me about this (she works for crisis and saw the whole thing) - hope you're ok and it's good to hear that they didn't get your bike. All hail the van man.

  • Yeah, east London sounds greaaaat..

    WVM just wanted you alive so he could run you down at the next set of lights ;)

  • is it just me or are these attacks by groups of kids getting more common? Thinking of ma3k.

  • Blimey... that's pretty cool. Shame about the ipod, but I gues you'd still rather have your bike!

  • I have of course had bad encounters with the WVM, but on the whole they seem to be OK. I'm of the opinion that they've been given bad press by other drivers, in particular they are disliked by School Run Mum. This is because SRM can't drive, and she/he is our true enemy. :-)

  • yeah i prefer WVM to SRM (if SRM is in a tractor).
    Bombadil who's your gf? If it's Nicola she's a legend really helped me out...

  • WVM has cunty tendancies but bus & black cab drivers are the ones that get on my tits

  • One gave me a lift all the way down Burdett Road yest, and kept grinning at me in his wing mirror. I was gonna be late for work so I was well happy!

  • Yes, it's Nicola.

  • Yeah - I think WVM gets a bad(ish) press.

    They come way above: bendy-bus drivers, sightseeing busdriving cunts, post office vans, cement lorries, rubbish trucks. All of whom are fucktards & asshats to a man (woman).

    Glad you're not too badly hurt.

  • I hate kids...... Just waiting for an excuse to lamp one!
    No bobbies on patrol like when i were a kid, you got bollocked for no lights!

  • Man I am glad I live in the relitive saftey of Cambridge. I luckily have never been attacked by a group of yuufs, Not even when i lived in London.
    Dem Streets is getting mean...

  • it's a price i'm willing to pay to live in london though...

  • Personally I wouldn't stand around with headphones in my ears with an Ipod on diplay in the most deprived council ward of the most deprived borough in the UK with a booming gang and smack problem. You're lucky you didn't get knifed for the 'disrespect' of tackling the kid who smacked you.

    I'd lock my bike bike somewhere else for a while if I were you.

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Thank You White Van Man

Posted by Avatar for mongrel @mongrel