Jokes / Joke du jour!

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  • me: do you sell ducks?
    him: yes, but they're going quick
    me: ok I'll take one

    duck: quick
    me: I see

  • A recent study has found that fertility Is hereditary.
    If your parents didn’t have children it’s extremely unlikely you will.

  • Stolen, obviously:

    We had sex ed class in school today, and among other things mr Harris went over a few different contraceptives. Wanting to demonstrate how a condom works, he pulled out a couple of bananas and some condoms from his briefcase. “It just makes it a lot easier to show you”, he said. “I always struggle to get an erection on an empty stomach”

  • Seen elsewhere...

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  • haha, stealing this for the cat thread

  • How did Scrooge win the football game?

    The ghost of Christmas passed.

  • I forgot to mention that I bought a Russian advent calendar a month ago. Every time I opened a window an oligarch fell out.

  • Pythagoras walks into a bar and says "Which one is the Hypotenuse?"
    The Barman says "y, the long face".

  • My three favourite things are eating my family and not using commas

  • My three favourite things are eating my family and not using commas

    Could be improved by adding the word 'out'. Maybe change 'family' to 'daughters' if you're feeling daring.

  • But then it wouldn't be a 6 minute repost from the memes thread.

  • Quite. Herein lies its charm.

  • Lol I thought I was stealing it from Twitter

  • Anyway it wasn’t a meme, this was the more appropriate thread for it, I refuse to be shamed, fight me

  • You both did, but you were slower.

  • Nothing wrong with coming second

  • Where do naughty rainbows go?


    It’s a light sentence.

  • I was at the cinema the other day and was amazed to see a chap in the next row had his dog with him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog’s eyes never left the screen

    When the film ended I said to him “I couldn’t help noticing that your dog seemed to really enjoy the movie”

    “Yes he did” he replied, “I was really surprised myself because he absolutely hated the book”

  • I've got piles and piles of laundry to do. I don't know which is worse.

  • Purloined from Twitter:

    Just asked the woman in Waterstones if Prince Harry’s book is available to download.

    She said ‘do you want the PDF file?’

    I said no, that’s his uncle.

  • Lance is an uncommon name nowadays, but in medieval times people were called Lance a lot

  • What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

    I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean in my face.

  • What do you call a group of sheep rolling down a hill?

    A lamb slide.

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Jokes / Joke du jour!

Posted by Avatar for Pistanator @Pistanator