Jokes / Joke du jour!

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  • I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki.

    I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair...

    Ha ha ha!

  • What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny!
    What did one oar say to the other? Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
    What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? I’m sweet on you!
    Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn’t suit his taste!
    What did one fungus say to the other on Valentine’s Day? There’s so mushroom in my heart for you!
    What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day? You’re my butter half!
    What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
    What’s the best part about Valentines Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
    What did the paper clip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.”
    Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!
    What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love? A stupid cupid!

  • Stolen

  • All shit bar the first one.

  • A friend of mine 's spice shop has gone bust
    Looks like they'll call the bayleaves in

  • a friend of mine who's an expert on the study of water in the form of droplets that appear in the morning or evening
    has a new book out dew any moment

  • Fuming. The lad got sent home from school with a note saying he's illiterate, we got married THREE MONTHS before he was born.

  • I need to use the car but the windscreen is iced up, can anyone help? Someone suggested using a discount card to scrape it but I've only got 20% off.

  • The B in Benoit B Mandelbrot stands for ‘Benoit B Mandelbrot’

    (If any joke can be repeated a shit load of times in this thread, it’s that one)

  • A tax saving expert friend of mine has written a novel in the Victorian realist style
    It's called ' TESSA the d'Urbervilles '

  • You’re listening to Radio 4 this afternoon ...

  • Was going to cook offal for dinner but didn't have the guts

  • Or the brains

  • Couldn't stomach it?

  • News just in, Elton John's bought a tiny gym for his pet rabbit.

    It's a little fit bunny.

  • I've just found a great offal restaurant
    They scored 5 on tripe advisor

  • I've just made haggis for the first time
    I had no idea what it entrailed

  • An economist friend of mine asked me if I knew the Scottish gross domestic product ?
    that's easy ..... It's haggis

  • I was completely unaware it was shrove Tuesday
    It just creped up on me

  • Sean Connery was very much into recycling especially on pancake day
    He thought it was an egg shell lent idea

  • I’ve just had an accident whilst painting the kitchen

    I’m not hurt, just a little emulsional

  • Leo Sayer told me I look like Sam out of Cheers!

    He made me feel like Danson.

  • A packaging technician friend of mine collaborated with his psychiatrist to make some music.
    They came up with shrink rap.

  • A friend of mine is doing their bit to halt the spread of covid by socially distancing down a shaft filled with water
    I know he means well

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Jokes / Joke du jour!

Posted by Avatar for Pistanator @Pistanator