Jokes / Joke du jour!

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  • A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, there's nobody there, but there's a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street.

    Five years go by, and there's another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there's no one standing there, but there's a snail on the welcome mat.

    The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was that all about?"

    I'll get me coat........

  • That joke is sampled on the first track on the awesome 'Weekend' album by Skinny.

    I like it.

    (The album, not the joke. That's shit.)

  • Q: what do you call a 3 legged donkey?
    A: a wonky

    Q: what do you call a 3 legged donkey with only 1 eye
    A: a winky wonky

    Q: what so you call a 3 legged donkey with 1 eye, who can play the guitar/piano
    A: a honky tonky winky wonky

  • thats actually funny

    oh btw dale i need to fit my cranks can i get the tool off of ya soon, and do i need to grease the BB up before hand (i'm crap at bike building)

  • anytime dude. yeah got a tub of white grease, you can borrow as well

  • Q: whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
    a: stephen hawking in a house fire

  • check out arrospoks

  • A man takes the day off work and
    Decides to go out golfing.

    He is on the second hole when he
    Notices a frog sitting next to
    The green.

    He thinks nothing of it and is
    About to shoot when he
    Hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."

    The man looks around and doesn't
    See anyone. Again, he
    Hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
    At the frog and decides to
    Prove the frog wrong, puts the
    Club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

    He hits it 10 inches from the
    Cup.. He is shocked. He says
    To the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
    You must be a lucky frog, he?
    The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

    The man decides to take the frog
    With him to the next hole.

    "What do you think frog?" the
    Man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."

    The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
    Boom! Hole in one. The
    Man is befuddled and doesn't know
    What to say. By the end
    Of the day, the man golfed the
    Best game of golf in his life and
    Asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
    The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

    They go to Las Vegas
    And the guy says, "OK frog, now
    What?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
    Approaching the roulette table, The man
    Asks, "What do you think I should
    Bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
    $3000, black 6."

    Now, this is a
    Million-to-one shot to win, but
    After the golf game the man
    Figures what the heck.
    Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

    The man takes his winnings and
    Buys the best room in the
    Hotel. He sits the frog down and
    Says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
    You've won me all this money and
    I am forever grateful."

    The frog replies,
    "Ribbit Kiss! Me."

    He figures why not,
    Since after all the frog did for
    Him, he deserves it. With a
    Kiss, the frog turns into a
    Gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

    "And that,
    Your honor, is how the girl
    Ended up in my room. So help me God
    Or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

  • ha ha - if only i had a good joke to tell

    maybe specialized langster

  • you do realize you are on the 'joke'

  • thats cheating

  • there ya go....that was funny.

  • did you hear about the quadraplegic juggler?

    he dropped all the quadraplegics.

  • "I've really had it with my dog: he'll chase anyone on a bicycle."
    "So what are you going to do - leave him at the dog's home? Give him away? Sell him?"
    "No, nothing that drastic. I think I'll just confiscate his bike."

  • A poor woman just can't seem to do anything about the terrible stench of her mott, so she goes to see a specialist.

    After a minute or so's rummaging around down there, the doctor says, "Aha! I think I see what the problem is. Just bear with me a moment, won't you?"

    He goes out of the room and, a few minutes later, he comes back in brandishing a long wooden pole with a hook on the end of it.

    "Wait," cries the poor woman, a little panicked now. "What are you going to do with that??"

    "I'm going to open the window," replies the doctor. "It fucking stinks in here."

  • A girl goes up to her dad and says:

    "Daddy daddy can i get a Barbie doll??"

    Daddy replies "Only if you suck my dick darling!"

    Disgusted the girl walks away, but soon returns again:

    "Daddy daddy can i get a Barbie doll??"

    Daddy replies "Baby girl, only if you suck my dick"

    Appauled, the girl turns around, but once again soon returns

    "Daddy! Please please please can i get a Barbie Doll?"

    Daddy points to his groin and the girl, fully defeated unzips her dads flies and gets busy

    "Whoah daddy! Your dick tastes like shit!"

    Daddy replies "Well, earlier on your baby brother asked for a new bicycle"


  • i went to the bookstore to by my girlfriend a present. i found a cheap and easy vegeterian cook book. It was a great buy, as my girlfriend is vegeterian and.............................

  • A bloke goes home to his wife with a duck under his arm, and says "This is the pig that I fuck when I'm not with you"

    His wife says "It's not a pig, it's a duck.!

    He replies "I wasn't talking to you..."

  • two irishmen walking through a swamp when they see a guy half eaten by a crocodile, only his head still pokes out.

    The first says to the second. "look at that flash cunt with his lacoste sleeping bag."

  • chug that joke is wrong! but funny.

  • Q: whats the difference between a woman and a oven
    A: the oven doesn't fart when you take the meat out?

  • What's Amy Winehouse' favourite tube station..

    High Barnet.

  • barking?

  • russell barking?


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Jokes / Joke du jour!

Posted by Avatar for Pistanator @Pistanator