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  • Ha! When Woolworths died B & M crawled into their shoes in our town.

    I walked in, not knowing what the fuck B & M was.

    I soon learned.

    It's canned grim and packets of dried bleak.

    The other shoppers were like rejects from Dawn of the Dead, shuffling moaning zombies with open sores and walking sticks, heaving tins of sweetcorn the size of oil barrels.

    I legged it, screaming.

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