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@Crucifixi
Seriously, however amusing your posts are, it really isn't that difficult to avoid getting flamed.
Use correct grammar; this will demonstrate you're relatively educated and that you're not going to piss about. List as many details as you can; the will enable people to see whether or not you've just nicked these off the streets or whether you genuinely own these phones.
If that's too difficult, then meet my friend, Mr Gumtree. They welcome your kind of sales with open branches.