Facebook

OK

So can I really do this?

Someone sent me a message on facebook, on my 'dormant' account which I haven;t been able to work out how to properly delete (they don't make it easy). He had 'frinded' me ages and ages ago, I never responded as I found it a bit weird, haven;t seen the guy since '83.

So here's his message:

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from M*** A****
can't believe we're still not friends, born on the same day, in the same hospital. Went to the same school in the same class and lived in neighbouring villages. Feeling a little upset at the moment, but should get over it!!

I just wrote this in reply, can't decide whether to send it. Should I?!

Hey
WHAT-EVERRRRRR!
I been thinking about this message you sent me for a while.
Here's how I feel about it:
Yeah I remember you. I hadn't 'accepted' you as I really have no idea who you are, only who you were in 1983. I accepted G**** as I happened to bump into S*** a while back, and she was freaked that I remembered who she was straight away. It was a mistake. I was never going to bother with facebook. I have about ten contacts, none of whom I bother contacting through this. I can't delete this account, facebook won't let you delete yourself which I find really insidious and weird. So, G*** and I haven't actually contacted each other since, I mean ... its all a bit weird isn't it, facebook? Life takes you to different places and different people. The internet has somehow made us think that we have to have a thousand 'friends', on their stupid marketing research vehicles posing as network sites, whom we used to know 20 years ago, as well as the people in our lives now. We don't, we can't, know a thousand people. It's like a social disease, all this 'I 'friended' you' bullshit. I looked at someone's facebook, through yours, and through someone else I knew, and saw loads and loads of people i USED to know. It made me shiver, I mean, why would I want to 'friend' them and pretend that I still know them, in order to appear somehow popular in a totally meaningless postmodern sense? Like ghost-friends. I'd rather just rememeber what I remember. For instance, I don't really take photos of experiences I think are amazing or beautiful, I mean, why not just live in the moment? You can't own everything. And I certainly don;t want to start meeting up with people I use to hang about with when I was 12, girls I wanted to fuck but was too scared to talk to. Shit, what a nightmare!

I'd forgotten that we shared a birthday. So, happy 38th! No need to be upset. Its the fucking internet! Its for cunts, mostly, all this 'social networking'. That's why I hardly look at this facebook bollocks. I never tweet and I don't dig msn. Ahhh remember that time ... ? When we ... ? Then we ... ? Utter nostalgic bollocks. If we'd really been super duper pals back then we'd have kept in touch. But we moved on, to different schools, different paths, different lives. So man up and don't be a fucking dopey victim of this internet idiocy. It's for cunts. I mean it.

The people I know now from 1983 I can count on one hand. For a good reason! I was 11 then! I've moved on. So M***, .... let's get to know each other ... What am I into these days? You'd never guess... Group sex with old people. Making homemade explosives. Stalking minor soap stars. I am now a shi'ite Muslim, I follow a sect from Sudan, and we will bring down your decadent western ways. I sometimes walk down Oxford Street shouting 'YOU FUCKING BUNCH OF MISERABLE SODS YOU'RE ALL GONNA ROT IN HELL' How about you?
Still wanna be my 'friend'? Hahahah.
So feel free to get in touch if you still want to talk to me. Tell me why you agree with me, or why I'm wrong. Go on. I dare you to engage seriously with this random rant. If this just made you think 'fuck he's mad now' then fuck off. If you're thinking 'bonkers, but has a ring of truth about it' then send me something that is actually true, from you as a person not some kind of projection of modern normality, too. Just nothing so serious and emotionally retarded please.
Ben
PS. Hope this message has made you laugh. That's all its meant to do. A rail against all this conformity. Not all the above is true, btw. Hahaha. I guess I'm trying to say ... chill the fuck out. Don't be a spazz. And get off your computer and go and do something less boring instead! You muptard.