• I don't see what all the fuss is about. I have a blackspire stem and whilst it's not the prettiest thing I've ever seen, there are far less appealing things out there. Look at the new Rolls Royce - everyone said that it was uglier than Satan's rectum when it was launched, but there aren't many of you who'd turn one down.

    Incidently, I'll give you a fiver for it.

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