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@tynan
Eggs
Get eggs - either take them from others who have them or force them from a chicken.
Get some water and cook it in a pan until it produces small spheres of heated air at it's meniscular edge.
Hold the egg above the turbulent water and let your hand slightly give in to the Earth's gravitational pull - you will feel your hand move towards the water - when it is around an inch or so from the surface, release all tension in your hand and watch the egg kind of 'walk' (but with neither leg nor foot) towards the water and then climb in.
Watch it all go off for some minutes.
Stop it all.
Force the egg out of its carapace, you will find inside a white soft body.
Make a loud continuous sound, as loud as you can, use your hand to feel around your head until you locate the hole that this sound is coming from - once located, push the egg at the hole until it takes (in might fall out the first few tries but persevere even if you feel there is little or no prospect of success).
Once in it is pretty much a clear run to the stomach although you may have to mash the egg up a little in your mouth, try using a pen or a finger or a telephone.