Sneaky bike locking

but the not so intelligent amongst us, will forget, on their own bike!

Exactly the problem with all of these ideas! I wouldn't bother with any of them, that's for sure.

these are not deterrents...they're just ways in stitching up the thief after your bike has been stolen

Yeah I know, but the OP did say:

I was thinking about sneaky ways to fuck up someone who managed to steal my bike.