Freudian slips

For @Oliver Schick not Freudian slips but spooneristic quotes and bits of speeches from a byglum age..

• On meeting a widow, he remarked with sincerity, "her husband came to a sad end. He was eaten by missionaries."
• Calling John Millington Synge's famous Irish play "The Ploughboy of the Western World.
• At a wedding: "kisstomary to cuss the bride."
• "Blushing crow" for "crushing blow."
• In Church "The Lord is a shoving leopard"
• "A well-boiled icicle" for "well-oiled bicycle."
• "I have in my bosom a half-warmed fish" (for half-formed wish), supposedly said in a speech to Queen Victoria.
• A toast to "our queer old dean" instead of to "our dear old Queen."
• Upon dropping his hat: "Will nobody pat my hiccup?"
• "Go and shake a tower" (Go and take a shower).
• Paying a visit to a college official: "Is the bean dizzy?"
• giving instructions “You will leave by the town drain."
• When our boys come home from France, we will “have the hags flung out”.
• "Such Bulgarians should be vanished..." (Such vulgarians should be banished).
• Addressing farmers as "ye noble tons of soil".
• "You have tasted a whole worm" (to a lazy student).
• "The weight of rages will press hard upon the employer."
• "Mardon me padom, you are occupewing my pie. May I sew you to another sheet?"