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Why? ... I guess I am worried that if I don't keep trying then I will never do it ever again, it will become an actual THING rather than just some stupid irrational worry that I've developed.
Also what's worrying me. In my case I seem to have developed this fear over running too, and basic strength training. It scares the shit out of me that I might end up in a situation where these anxieties continue to spill over and out and into all these other areas of my life where they will have a lasting, damaging effect on my mental and physical well-being. Ugh.
bothwell-
I find that only cycling when commuting for a long period of time can get me miffed a bit. It can become just another way to get to work, instead of a fun way to start and end the working day.
This is magnified now because its shit outside. It's not the cold/rain that makes it worse, but it's cycling in the dark constantly that gives me bad vibes.
Dark in the morning, dark at night, five days a week. I'm living a nocturnal life.
My eyes are glued to the road in front of scanning for potholes I cant see any more, meaning I'm spending less time looking around at traffic to reassure my self. I also don't have any time to enjoy the sights, It's harder to judge other peoples speed, it's harder for people to see me/judge my speed and because my brain has to work twice as hard to do all of these things that are easier in daylight, I can be narked some evenings by the time I get home.
It's important for me to get out on the weekend in the daylight and play around a bit to reassure my self. Open it all the way up on a stretch of road my brain would consciously limit me on if it was dark, remind myself that I can have lots of fun on the bike safely.
Maybe going for a casual ride/jog on the weekend would be a good idea instead of doing it to go to work in the dark? Relaxed pace, bring a mate. Make it a thing, give it a destination, so it's not all about the ride, like to an awesome cake shop, or one of those cat cafés (YAY!).
Edit: TL;DR cycling is shitter in the dark but its not always obvious, it can negatively effect you subconsciously.
Antidotes
Why? ... I guess I am worried that if I don't keep trying then I will never do it ever again, it will become an actual THING rather than just some stupid irrational worry that I've developed.